Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 14)

  What did you do for Mother's Day?

a.) I bought my mom a flower pot...and then blew it up with dynamite.  (She likes watching things explode.)   Ka-fucking-BOOM, Mom!!!  Hahahahahaha!!!! (25%)

b.) I don't have a mother.  She left us when we were young children to become a Whore-Acrobat in Uncle Steamy's Suck 'N' Fuck Circus.  Oh, mother! (25%)

c.) We just sat home and watched a movie- "Big Butts, Triangle Tits, and Cases of Cum, Part IV" (26%)

d.) I wrote a nice card to my mom telling her how much I adore her and asking her if I could borrow twenty bucks for my "dog's operation" which she damn-well knows is a lie and instead the cash will be going straight to my meth habbit!!  Thanks, Mommy!!! (24%)

David & Pepper- the titillation commeces LIVE on Sirius XM on Saturday at 7 PM (EST)!!!

  Oh, this is gonna be one sexy show.  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE yet again on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  Tune to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST) for the sexiness.  Dave promises to wear something cute...he doesn't know...maybe a low cut outfit!  Ooooh!!  Yeah!!  You likey?!?!  YEAH, you do!!  Don't fucking lie to me!!!  You fucking likey!!!!  Yeahhhhh!!!!!!!!  Topics for the show shall include:

* Renowned dentist Dr. Philip Shug discusses his new reality show, "My Cunty Wife And My Cunty Step-Daughters and Me"

* Edgy Comedian Ralph Severe does his shocking "I hate women because I have a small dick in fact it's so small that it looks like a fucking vagina so I guess what I'm really saying is that I hate myself and oops I think some poo just came outta me" routine

* We debate whether or not penguins are the pussies of the Arctic

* Dave lights his feet on fire to prove a point

* Scientist Marty Stevens talk about his new book, "I Bumped My Head On My Wooden Box O' Porn And Now I Think I May Be Retarded"

* Gymnast Mary Fern chats about the time she strangled her adopted son Theo

* And we shit in each other's hats!

See you homies on Saturday!!!!!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 11)

  I'm thinking of doing a few things this weekend.  Which seems like the most fun?

a.) Asking the local armless guy who hangs out in front of 7-11 if he wants to play patty cake.

b.) Going for another round of drunk-high-nude-unbathed-farty miniature golf.

c.) Taking my dog to the Museum Of Famous Dogs Who Were Put To Sleep.

d.) All of the above...and prepare for jail time.

This Week's Davey Mac is now up on iTunes!

  Yeah, dawg!!  We hit that fucking iTunes in the ass!!  The show is action packed with Games Of Thrones talk!!  Plus, we discuss why we love Crack!!  Furthermore, we get into several uncomfortable arguments!!  In addition, we suck and fuck!!!  Moreover, we perform a beautiful folk song at the end of the show!!  Finally, we work and jerk!!!  In conclusion, we ROCK the SHIT out of Internet Radio!!!  Subscribe to the show on iTunes and hear the jizz-magic!!  And listen to the LIVE version of the show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday at 7 PM (EST)!!!  Peace!!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave poll of the Day- May 10)

  I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! was a weird name for a condiment.  But it was NOT the strangest.  Which one of these little-known condiment names was more bizarre?

a.) I Can't Believe There's Jizz In My Mayo! (25%)

b.) We Made This Salsa With Farts! (24%)

c.) This Ketchup Tastes Likes Pussy Blood! (25%)

d.) I Can't Understand Why There's Shit In My Mustard! (26%)

Davey Mac & Homies- LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM (EST)!! Be there!!!

  We kill it.  We cock it.  Tonight.  LIVE on Ustream at 7 PM (EST).

Fuck yeah.

"East Side" Dave McDonald.

Pepper "Hamburger" Stanley.

Sean "O My Stars"  Barry.

Roy "Shake-N-Bake" Shaffer.

The Davey Mac Sports Program.

LIVE on Ustream tonight at 7 PM (EST)!

Booze.

Jizz.

Animals.

Touching.

Whistles.

Farts.

Play-Doh.

Cummies.

Scissors.

Spittle.

The Davey Mac Sports Program.

LIVE.

The East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 (EST).

Midgets.

Shitties.

Puss.

Megatron.

Chewbacca.

Be there.

TONIGHT.

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 9)

  Police in New Jersey have released a sketch of some sick pervert who is driving around, trying to lure little girls into his car in Old Tappan.  Here is his picture:

Does this son of a bitch most look like:

a.) The Situation (29%)

b.) Bono (21%)

c.) Ralph Macchio (26%)

d.) Chris "Pepper" Stanley (24%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 8)

  Which is the best dance?

a.) Kate Upton's "Cat Daddy" dance (26%)

b.) Balki and Cousin Larry's "Dance of Joy" (25%)

c.) The Fonzie "I'm 50 years old and still hang around high school kids like a pedophile" Dance of Pain (23%)

d.) Dave's "Suck 'N' Fuck" Dance of Wonder (26%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 7)

  I just realized that I really don't like commuting into the city.  What can I do to make my commute shorter?

a.) You can buy a magic carpet and shove it up your ass, David, you unrealistic cum-head!!! (24%)

b.) Why don't you get a job closer to your house, Dave? ...For instance, maybe you could be a roadside shit salesman.  You know, one of those people who sells feces on the side of the road.  Man, I'm drunk as fuck right now. (26%)

c.) I don't like commuting either, Davey Mac.  That's why I work at home.  I run an online-nude-Star-Wars-characters-pottery business.  I don't make a lot of money. (27%)

d.) I still live with my parents and jerk off thrice a day!! (23%)

Sirius XM may be shutting its doors this weekend but Dave & Pepper WILL still be giving you a brand new show!! Saturday, 7 PM (EST), on Sirius 206, XM 105!!

  Yeah.  That's right.  That headline tells it all, bitches.  Sirius XM is shutting down live programming this weekend because they are "upgrading" their system...whatever the fuck that means.  The only thing I've upgraded in two years is my C-3-Porn-O, my specially-constructed android whose sole purpose is to give me handies and moan like the metal-whore she is when I press the ON button.

Anyway, Sirius XM told the shows to have Best-Of's prepared.  Fuck that, we said.  Fuck it in the ass.  And if it doesn't want to be fucked in the ass, I know a robot who will gladly step up and accept being fucked in the ass for a very small price.

Double-anyway, Davey Mac and Peppy Hamburger have recorded a very special new Davey Mac Sports Program XL, chock-full of terrible confessions, vague racism, insensitivity towards suicide, and many other despicable topics which will be sure to brighten up your day!  Plus, being that it's Cinco De Mayo, we're drunk as shit!!!!

The topics shall include:

* Astrologist Kenneth Borkin discusses his new book: "Those Stars Look Like My Dad's Dick!"

* Fart cookies- why no one wants to eat them

* Dirty D-List celebrity impersonator Shannon Flank comes in to do her "Markie Post shitting in a bucket" impression

* Licking animal asses- we'll give the 5 Do's & Don't's according to Discovery host Bestiality Boy

* America's favorite vaudevillian, Artie Crussle, chats about his memoir:  "Who Filled My Shampoo Bottles With Jizz?"

* And Dave & Pepper play a game of Spin The Ass!

See you Saturday at 7 PM (EST) on The Opie & Anthony Channel- Sirius 206, XM 105!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 4)

  Today is International Star Wars Day!  May the Fourth be with you!  How are you going to celebrate?

a.) I'm gonna dress my pet bunnies to look like Ewoks and then I will blow them up in the backyard. (24%)

b.) Taking a page from Luke and Leia, I plan to fuck my sister on top of a dead Tauntaun. (25%)

c.) I usually dress up like a Rancor monster and try to bite the heads off children.  I've been arrested many times. (25%)

d.) I don't do anything special.  I just watch the movies with my friends and when any scene with Chewbacca comes on, we turn down the lights and perform a circle jerk while chanting a prayer in Wookie-an. (26%)

NO Davey Mac & Pals on Ustream and iTunes this week!!

  Hi, friends!!  Due to illness and jizzness, there will be no Davey Mac Sports Program featuring Dave McDonald, Pepper Hamburger, Roy Shaffer, and Sean O, this week on Ustream and iTunes!!  Our extraordinary engineer who makes the show run, Sean O, is sick with some new kind of disease that was spawned by the American government in order to combat animals that may be terrorists.  The virus has apparently infected Sean O, giving him chronic beer shits and a throat and dick more sore than Harvey Fierstein's.  So, we ask you all to pray and light a candle for Sean O.  Just make sure you blow the candle out when you're done...because it's a fire hazard.  Anyway, Dave and Pepper WILL be doing fresh material for Davey Mac XL on Sirius XM this Saturday at 7 PM (EST), on The Opie & Anthony Channel, so we'll see you then!!  And we WILL be back on Ustream and iTunes next Wednesday!!  See you on Saturday on Sirius XM!  ...Uh-oh...I think I feel my dick getting sore...NO!!!  I've been infected!!!!  Ahhhh!!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 3)

  It's raining here in Jersey.  What do you like to do on a rainy day?

a.) Watch a movie...most notably Lord of the Butt-Bangers: Fellowship of the Butt (23%)

b.) I bake some delicious cookies in the oven, and then haphazardly forget to turn the oven off...a fire usually ensues...rubble...can I crash at your place for a couple of weeks? (24%)

c.) We play crossword puzzles.  The "we" I am referring to, by the way, is my invisible friend Charles and his sex slave Rita. (26%)

d.) I make a nice large bowl of chili, knock on my neighbor's door, and when he answers, I throw the bowl of chili in his face and fart on his head.  That's what you get for ratting me out to the land-lord because of my propane grill, Frank, you fucking cock-sucker!!!! (27%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 2)

  What do you do when you're feeling blue?

a.) I put pencils so far up my nose that the lead leaks into my brain and causes a feeling of euphoria!  Gotta go, it's sharpening time! (24%)

b.) Sometimes I go to the lake with my hockey mask on and spy on teenagers.  And if they start necking, it's BOOM!!  My pitchfork right in their esophagus! (25%)

  c.) I never feel blue.  But that's because I'm GOLD-dust.  If anything, my wrestling ass feels sexy!! (25%)

  d.) When I am feeling down I do what most normal folks do...I tie my dick to a tree and sprint as fast as I can until I see blood. (26%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- May 1)

  Who is your favorite character from "Cheers"?

a.) Sam (12%)

b.) Norm (11%)

c.) Carla (10%)

d.) Buddy (14%)

e.) The Tickle Sisters, Janey & Janet (14%)

f.) Teddy (16%)

g.) David (23%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 30)

  I think this is gonna be a good week!  What do you think?

a.) I think it'll be a good week only if my teeth and fingernails stop falling off!!  I knew I shouldn't have gone into that fucking teleporter with that God-Damned fly!!! (22%)

b.) It's gonna be a GREAT week!!  I just found ten bucks in the back pocket of the mailman I hit in the head with a hammer! (25%)

c.) The week is gonna be just ok.  On the one hand, I got a new job.  On the other hand, the job is as a Professional Needles-In-The-Dick Model. (sigh) (26%)

d.) I can't wait for this week to begin!  I finally get to re-fill my prescription of memory lapse medicine!!  I can't wait for this week to begin!  I finally get to re-fill my prescription of memory lapse medicine!!  I can't wait for this week to begin!  I finally get to re-fill my prescription of memory lapse medicine!! (27%)

Dave and Pepper will shoot, shut, and shit on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday!!

  Yeah, honey pie!!!  Do you like it when I call you honey pie?  I know you do, baby.  You so sticky and dessert-ish.  Yeaaaaaaahhhh.  Anyway, before I get too hot and penis-ified, let me tells ya that Davey Mac and Peppy Stans will be rockin' the shitties out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio, LIVE, on Saturday with the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  Tune in to the Opie and Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM (EST)!!!  The topics include:

* "Everyone's Favorite Grandpa", Morty Cunningham, stops in to talk about the time he killed two Mexicans

* We touch each other's ears for the Ultimate Radio Cartilage Contest!

* Vic Blunch discusses his new play- "The Penguin Jizeth"

* Uncle Tickles the Naughty Clown chats about his hard-drive and his resulting firing from Nickelodeon

* Dave reveals the reason why he ends every show with his signature sign-off: "...and THAT'S...why you can't trust Canadians."

* And independent film-maker Mark Burbles promotes his new movie, "Jerking Off Jerry."

We'll see you guys Saturday at 7 PM (EST) on Sirius 206, Xm 105!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 27)

  It's Friday!!  Any plans?

a.) I'm doin' what I do every Friday, dawg- goin' hiiiighin' and alien watchin'!!!  Weeeeeeee!! (23%)

b.) I was thinking doing something nice for someone.  Maybe I'll jack off into my next door neighbor's mailbox.  What?  I heard they're trying to get pregnant. (26%)

c.) I have no plans.  I'm just gonna keep working on Naked Ted Bundy jigsaw puzzle. (26%)

d.) I have ringside seats to Friday Night Farts!!!  P.U.!!!!! (25%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 26)

  I'm having crazy allergy attacks.  Do you have any solutions?

a.) Stick your head in a barrel of tar and fart three times.  That's what my uncle did.  Of course, he died when he was 29. (21%)

b.) Go to the doctor and punch him in the cock. (24%)

c.) Cut your nose off and replace it with a carrot. (26%)

d.) We have an old tradition- eat some peppers and shoot anything that moves in your backyard.  It doesn't work so much for allergies but you kill a shitload of squirrels that way! (29%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- April 25)

  If April showers bring May flowers, what do May showers bring?

a.) Jack Bauer's (19%)

b.) dick plowers (21%)

c.) Mad Cowers (19%)

d. ) Kenny Powers (20%)

e.) Jizz Towers (21%)