Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!


Florida Gulf Coast wins! …………who?!?! (3/25/13)

It’s your March Twenty-Fifth Davey Mac Report and some school called Florida Gulf Coast University is the Cinderella darling of the NCAA Tournament by becoming the first 15-seed in history to advance to the Sweet 16 (they defeated San Diego State yesterday, 81 to 71).  The school, in fact, has only been around since 1997. Shit!!  That, my friends, is a young college!!  I mean, you know your school is young when it wasn’t even around when Kurt Cobain blew his head off!!

Audience:  Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Davey Mac:  Thank you, thank you!!  I mean, it’s like…that school is so young they probably wouldn’t even remember the son of a shittin’ Tracey Ullman Show!!!!

Audience:  Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Davey Mac:  Hahaha, right?! It’s like, Florida Gulf Coast is so damned young, they probably don’t even know who the fuck Hitlerwas!!!

Audience: …………….

Davey Mac:  …you know…’cause the university wasn’t around in the ’40′s and…

Audience: …………….

Davey Mac:  …listen…I’m sorry…I’m just really drunk is all…

The other major upset was 9-seed Wichita State taking down number-one-seeded Gonzaga- 76 to 70.  Afterwards, Wichita St. was treated to a special post-game speech on the team bus by…Tim Fucking Tebow.  Noooooooo!!!!!  We in the sports media had gone two or three fucking months without saying the word “Tebow” and now all that hard work has been ruined!!  Additionally, it was reported that Tebow was wearing a pink sweater.  Noooooo!!!  We’re STILL talking about Tebow AND we’re giving shitty details about him!!!  Finally, sources say that Tebow also had a tie and an un-tucked shirt on.  Noooooooo!!!!  Oh god, we’ve been Tebowed!!!  Where’s a fucking gun?!?!

Some big names have advanced, of course.  I’m trying to remember them all, but I’m a little high right now.  Let’s see…I know Louisville is still in….let me just hit this pot for a second…and Kansas is still alive…I think…um…uh…and Indiana has advanced…I am so high I could use some crackers…lastly…the other big names to make it to the Sweet 16 (I think) are: Duke, Andre the Giant, man these fucking crackers are good, the Balrog who killed Gandalf, the Smoke Monster from Lost, I wish I could marry crackers, Darth Vader, and Godzilla.  Yes.  Yes it’s true…I’m really high right now.  So be it.  More crackers, please.

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the guy who invented crackers…for obvious reasons…

See ya later, Dave Pound!!

-Dave (3/25/13)