It’s your March Twenty-Second Davey Mac Report and March Madness is here and it’s already fucking up our bracket, dawgs!! One of the biggest upsets occurred when the privileged White Boy Team (no, not Duke) beat New Mexico, 68 to 62. That’s right, Harvard (a number 14 seed) took down the Lobos (a three seed) yesterday. I would feel good for this rag-tag group of basketball-playing underdogs…except for the fact that the kids on the squad go to fucking Harvard and their lives are already on Easy Street!! I mean, come on, can we really call anyone from an Ivy League a “Cinderella Team”?! Well, maybe we could call Brown that…but honestly, we don’t even know where Brown is. Brown is the Shit College of Ivy League schools. That’s why it’s called Brown. Because, my friends, that is the color of shit. Brown.
Number-one seeded Gonzaga barely escaped a huge upset by defeating #16 Southern University, 64 to 58. I like Gonazag’s big man, Kelly Olynyk, the guy with the long hair and head-band. He sort of reminds me of the lead singer of Stillwater. It’d be cool if after Olynyk dunked the ball, he broke out into a rendition of “Fever Dog”. I just hope Olynyk can finally set aside his jealousy for guitarist Russell. I know you’re the front man, Kelly, but dammit, Russell is the fucking band-leader!! Whether you like it or not, punk!!!
A bunch of other shit happened in the college tournament including:
* PCU going on probation because of Jeremy Piven’s house party
* Faber exploding because of a bomb accidentally detonated by Flounder
* I once threw up on a Christmas tree at Fordham
* University of Louisiana water-boy Bobby Boucher was paralyzed after slipping on some ice
* And Dick Tech jizzed on Titty State
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the CBS-TNT-TBS-Tru TV connection of networks who are covering all of the March Madness action. I actually think they’re doing a great job…that is…except for that fucking Citi Bank commercial that is played CONSTANTLY!! We get it- somebody left the fucking gate open!!! ENOUGH!!!
See you guys Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!! LIVE at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific, on The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206/XM 105)!! Peace!!
- Dave (3/22/13)