It’s your March Nineteenth Davey Mac Report and LeBron James rode into Boston last night, poster-ized Jason Terry, erased a 17-point deficit, and hit the eventual game-winner as the Heat won their 23rd straight contest by beating the Celtics, 105 to 103. This streak is now starting to get interesting. In fact, dare I say with the wonderful NCAA Tournament and March Madness nearly upon us, the Heat have put the Sports World Spotlight squarely on Miami. Which is better than when Tony Montana put the Coke War Spotlight squarely on Miami. And it’s far better than when Jimmy Bugget put the Giant Parrot Head on Miami. But it’s not as good as when Ace Vetura put the Pet Detective Sign on Miami…that was pretty cool.
Whoa! We’ve got some hot, breaking news! Tiger Woods and Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn are now an official couple! Sweet!! I guess that means no more Perkins waitresses for Tiger…which is a real shame. But, hey, he can always bang a Denny’s broad!! As for Vonn, she is an attractive enough woman for Tiger, I suppose, and is a well-decorated athlete, which is kind of fun. But let’s face it, she probably doesn’t know how to bring pancakes to the table the way that Perkins hussy did. Come on, Lindsey, its serve on the LEFT, clear from the RIGHT, you bitch!! This is food-fucking-service 101!!!
Here’s some football news that we can all yawn to- Jets head coach Rex Ryan said that Mark Sanchez is still the team’s starter, but that Tim Tebow and newly-signed David Garrard will get a “chance to compete” and blah, blah, blah, the team needs to “get better” and Rex “would like to rape a steak if that is possible and legal” and that Rex is “thinking about adopting a black baby” and that “cupcakes are nice” and also that “Yoda was a little liar the way he pretended he wasn’t Yoda when Luke Skywalker crashed his X-Wing in Yoda’s swamp, and Yoda was like, ‘Hey, I can take you to Yoda if you give me one of those space bread sticks you have in your lunchbox’ and the next thing you know, while Yoda was making that space stew, he turns around and says to Luke, ‘Yeah! You been PUNK’D, asshole! I was Yoda all along!!’ That was fucked up.”
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to…St. Patrick. It was his birthday or some shit like that 48 hours ago and I forgot to give him a proper shout out. I don’t really know that much about the man…except that he drove the snakes out of Ireland, I think. I don’t know…I’m really fucking stoned right now and think I may have pissed my pants a little. Toodle-oo!!
- Dave (3/19/13)