It’s your February Fifth Davey Mac Sports Report and after a prolonged blackout in the Superdome due to a power outage, and an even more prolonged blackout in the Davey Mac Dome due to Jack Daniels and Whip-It’s, baby, we are BACK!!!! Needless to say, I have just woken up to realize that a.) it’s fucking Tuesday b.) I’m not wearing pants c.) I seem to have unfortunately gotten a Joe Flacco tattoo on a very private region and d.) there is a white, crusty substance near my forehead that I shall NOT be investigating further. What I do know, putting the pieces together, is that the Ravens won Super Bowl 47 over the 49′ers, 34 to 31.
Meanwhile, what can you say about Ray Lewis? The man leaves the game a champion. Well, yeah, you can say that…and you can also say that he probably covered up a double-homicide, but who the shit hasn’t?!?! I mean, I’ve covered up at least FOUR double-homicides in my time!! That’s nearly equal to an octo-homicide, I reckon!! Yeeeeehhhaaawww!! And the only thing sexier than an octo-homicide is a rootin’ tootin’ Octo-Mom, baby!! Check these pics!!! HOT!! HOT!! HOT!!!
Ravens QB Joe Flacco was named Super Bowl MVP after throwing for 287 yards, 3 TD’s and no interceptions in the game. I guess he’s going to Disney World. Maybe I’ll see him there. And if I do, I’ll ask him if he wants to see the Country Bear Jamboree show. If he declines, I’ll say, “That’s ok, Joe…maybe some other time.” At least…that’s what I’ll tell him…but as soon as his back is turned, I’m gonna take a Disney World snow globe that I ridiculously overpaid for and slam it into his fucking head…knocking him the fuck out. And when he wakes up…it’ll be just Davey Mac and Mr. MVP…watching the Country Bear Jamboree show on a fucking loop…while I have everyone at my beck-and-call at fucking gunpoint, daddy…yeah…it’s ALL planned out…
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Baltimore’s versatile Jacoby Jones, who had a huge 56-yard TD reception late in the first half…and then a 108-yard kickoff return for a touchdown to start the second half. Good job, Jacoby. While you were dancing in the end zone following your second score, I was crying at the fact that you cost me 200 dollars you son of a bitch. You’re fucking dead to me. Sleep with one eye open, fuck-face.
Later, Dave Pound!