It’s your February Sixth Davey Mac Sports Report and former performance-enhancing drug suspect Ryan Braun has been linked to a clinic that is currently under investigation for specializing in PED’s (and is the same place that is tied to A-Rod, among other baseball stars). There. It’s out of the way. Our mother-fucking daily sports-drug story. Can we now go on to something else more pressing? Like puppets. Who else wants to fuck ‘em? Come on, people. Identities of readers of the Davey Mac Sports Report are kept strictly anonymous. We will not publish your usernames or anything like that. We just want you to raise your hands in front of your computers and/or smart phones right now if you’ve ever contemplating fucking/licking/sucking a puppet. Come on. You can trust us…
…well, you really are a bunch of creeps, aren’t you. We are shocked at how many of you have such sick and twisted thoughts and, by the way, we lied to you. We WILL be reporting your names to the authorities. Good day.
NFL sources are saying that the Saints are close to hiring Rob Ryan as their new defensive coordinator. Meanwhile, my sources are telling me that Rob Ryan is fat. I have further sources that have informed me that I am not allowed back on the NJ Transit bus line after I urinated in my pants and onto the seat while I was passed out from a long night. My final sources are inquiring if Hobbits have regular or Hobbit-sized penises but that is only because those sources are on mushrooms.
An artist for Pixar named Austin Madison made these unbelievably bad-assed drawings of NFL match-ups. I strongly urge you to google his name and “NFL” and you’ll find the link to all of them (AFTER you’ve read the entire Sports Report, thank you). But here is my personal favorite. It’s the Bills Vs. the Jaguars:
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes the guy who invented naps, because I’m gonna take one right now. See you tonight at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific for the Davey Mac Sports Program, LIVE on Ustream! Peace!