It’s your January Twenty-Ninth Davey Mac Sports Report and Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco does not like the fact that next year’s Super Bowl will be played in MetLife Stadium in New Jersey (home of the Giants and Jets). Flacco said to reporters yesterday: “I think it’s retarded. I probably shouldn’t say that. I think it’s stupid.” Bam!! Flacco calls the Garden State “retarded”!!! Fortunately, representatives from New Jersey were available for comment: “How dare he say that!! I mean, I’m not FULLY retarded!!!” – Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
Tiger Woods won a PGA golf tournament yesterday. It was his 75th career title (seven behind all-time leader Sam Snead). Good for Tiger. And good for me. Even though I have lost twenty pounds since Christmas, I still managed to eat two Big Macs and a hot fudge sundae today. I’m pretty sure I have a tapeworm. I think I’ll name my tapeworm “Tiggles”. And we will be best friends…forever…that is…until Tiggles kills me in my sleep…then we will no longer be friends…
After the Rams reportedly hired Rob Ryan to be their new defensive coordinator, St. Louis has turned around and said that Ryan will NOT be a part of their team after all. Damn!! Fired a week after being “hired”?! That’s worse than the time I was let go from my deli job only three hours into it, after I allegedly was caught putting jizz in the potato salad. And to the person who ratted me out and turned me in, all I can say is, “Thanks A LOT, Mom!!”
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to my neurologist, Dr. Song, who is giving me the results of my MRI and EEG today. Hey Doc, I just gave you this very prestigious award…now you better not fuck me over with some diagnosis that rhymes with train dancer!!!
See you homies later!!