Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

The big game is TONIGHT! Number One Vs. Number Two! Ewww! That sort of makes it sound like Pee Vs. Poo!! Ewwwww!!! (1/7/13)

  Bam!pee-and-poo

It’s your January Seventh Davey Mac Sports Report and after what feels like years and years of waiting and pacing and fuckin’ around and stickin’ our dicks in large bowls of apple sauce and seeing how many billiards balls can fit up our asses, the Notre Dame-Alabama BCS Championship Game is FINALLY here, dogsies.  Well, it’s about fucking time!!  I’ve grown a son-of-a-bitching beard since both teams last played in a galaxy a long time ago, far far away!!  Shit, I can’t even remember Notre Dame’s last opponent!!  I think it was against the Hoth University Wampa’s but then again, I’ve been mixing various kinds of “legal” medication and my head is fucking KILLING me!!  Anyway, good luck to both teams; you’re both solid schools…but you in no way compare to the Dagobah State College Giant Swamp Slugs!!!  GO DSC!!!

Play like a TeoAhhhhh!!!!Artoo!!!!

 

But hey, we also had four NFL playoff games over the weekend!  The Redskins lost a tough one to the Seahawks yesterday, 24 to 14.  Washington had been up 14 to nothing when the offense fell apart amid Robert Griffin III getting fucked by a Seattle defense harder than that hobbit slut barmaid got it from Samwise when he returned from Mordor.  RG3 ultimately had to leave the game when he and his 1988 Whoopi Goldberg hairdo were injured.  As for Seattle, they haven’t been this happy since Kurt Cobain chopped Axl Rose’s head off at the 1992 MTV Music Awards.  Boom!

Nice hair, dickYeah!!!Smells like Axl Rose

 

After announcing that this post-season will be the final football game(s) of his career, Ray Lewis led the Ravens to a 24 to 9 stomping over the Colts.  After the game, Lewis did his famous dance routine for the final time before the fans of Baltimore.  It’s sort of weird that the NFL’s arguably most frightening man has a precious dance routine.  I mean, it’s a tad on the feminine side, no?  Kind of like when Roman soldiers used to fuck each other between battles, no?  Sort of like when Optimus Prime and Megatron used to blow one another, no?  A little like when the cast of Golden Girls would start some sick sex-chain with each other, no?  Kind of like when the Three Stooges would would get drunk and put toilet bowl bowl plungers up their asses, no?  It’s just weird, is all…

Dance!Fight!Hot

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Packers’ Aaron Rodgers, who threw for 274 yards and a touchdown as Green Bay beat the Vikings on Saturday, 24 to 10.  I wonder if everywhere Rodgers goes he has to hear someone yelling at him, “Hey, Rodgers!  Discount Double Check!!” because of those fucking State Farm Insurance commercials he does.  If I had to deal with that every day, I’d slice my nipples off.  Heck, if I don’t get enough green lights when driving I often think of slicing my nipples off.  In fact, I just think that I want to slice my nipples off…maybe I should see a psychiatrist…

Rodgers!Discount Double Check!

Adios, amigos!!  ‘Till tomorrow!!

-Dave (1/7/13)