It’s your January Third Davey Mac Sports Report and rumors of Rex Ryan’s disappearance have finally concluded as we have learned that Rex is “vacationing” in the Bahamas. This “vacation” comes after Ryan was nowhere to be “found” after Jets GM “Mike” Tannenbaum was fired on “Monday” and, “Jesus”, I’m really getting “carried” away with this fucking “quotes” “thing.” I’m not sure “what” I’m even trying “to” insinuate anywa”y”.
…Sorry for that nonsense. Anyway, the NFL’s most vocal coach was indeed befuddling as one would have expected Ryan to comment about his GM’s dismissal. Then again, one must also realize that Rex Ryan and his owner, Woody Johnson, are two scumbags who should simply walk out onto their home field, dig a couple of holes next to Jimmy Hoffa, and disappear for the good of the civilized sports world. At least, that’s what this journalist “thinks.”
And now for a random Don Mattingly-pissed-at-an-umpire gif:
In college football, #21 Louisville shocked the piss out of #3 Florida in the Horse-Shit-Corporate-Name-Here Sugar Bowl last night, 33 to 23. I’m sorry, I know this may be old school, but I just can’t get into these bowls now that they have big sponsor names in front of them…the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, the Sears & Roebuck’s Dildo Bowl, the Fat Frank’s Fuck Bowl, the Leper’s Lice Bowl, the Cock Jim’s Dick Bowl, the Robot Ass Butt Bowl, the Jeff Goldblum Large Eye Bowl, the Bowl Bowl, and, of course, the Bowl Bowl Bowl Bowl. Call me old-fashioned, but I hate these corporate bastards!!
Hey, you know what I almost forgot about? Hockey!! I would like to give you a score from one of the games from last night but, oh yes, the fucked-up sports association that is the National Hockey League is in their third fucking lockout/strike in 18 years!!! Way to go, assholes!! Your sport’s popularity is shrinking incredibly faster than Lily Tomlin because kids in Florida and Texas don’t exactly have access to frozen lakes; and yet you’re STILL alienating your fans by squabbling over millions? Well, fuck my ass with a steel-spiked broom-handle that you made under the influence of LSD already!!! Seriously!! Fuck it, you greedy pigs!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim who won his 903rd game yesterday; passing legendary coach Bobby Knight for second place all time (Mike Krzyzewski is first). Good for Boeheim with this achievement. I guess Boeheim has officially survived that Sandusky Scandal Part II of his (Boeheim’s former assistant, Bernie Fine, was accused of molesting boys). Said Boeheim of his accomplishment: “Looks like I did what Joe Paterno couldn’t do- keeping my job amid allegations that one of my coaches raped kids!! Fuck YOU, Joe Pa!! Eat it!!”
See you tonight, homies for the Davey Mac Sports Program!! LIVE on the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!! Peace!!