Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

Happy New Year! Now collect your shit and get the fuck out of here!!! (1/2/13)

  See ya, bitches

It’s your January Second, Two-Thousand-and-THIRTEEN Davey Mac Sports Report and Happy New Year, Dave Pound!!  I hope your holidays went well and that you got mildly intoxicated and, unlike me, did not get into some legal problems with your neighbor for throwing a bowling ball through his window.  I also hope you’re having a much better season than the SEVEN coaches and four GM’s in the NFL who were thrown out on their asses from by their respective organizations.  And since no one except the 350,000 drunkards in Buffalo cares about the Bills (who let go of Chan Gailey); nor does anyone except the high school drama club and degenerates who jerk off to Shakespeare have any interest in someone named Romeo (as in Romeo Crennel, released from the chiefs), we will instead concentrate on the three most interesting firings.  And when we are done, we will go proclaim ourselves the Kings Of The New Year, which means we will be allowed to have sex with anyone born on January First, regardless of race, gender, species, being alive, etc., as long as they’re of legal age!!  Although, now that we think about it, our mom is born on January First, so strike that last sentence from the fucking record!!

Fired!Drama!Dave on a Friday

 

First off- we have Lovie Smith of the Bears who, despite taking Chicago to the Super Bowl, was fired this year after going 10 and 6 (though the team finished their season at 3 and 5).  I would feel bad for the guy…except that his name is Lovie.  I mean, he might as well call himself Pussy Smith (which sounds like some kind of Indiana Jones soft-core porn parody one would see on Cinemax).  How can a guy in America’s most popular and most manly sport walk around calling himself LOVIE like he’s some British whore-nurse who sucks her patients off to save their lives?!  I’m sorry, but if I owned a team, I’d hire a coach named Dildo Brown before a guy named Lovie Smith!!!  So long, LOVIE!!!

GTY 152257905 S SPO FBN USA WIIndyHot

 

Then we have Mr. Andy Reid of the Eagles.  Reid also led Philly to a Super Bowl and was their winning-est coach of all time.  But the team was a fucking train wreck this year.  And, let’s face it, the guy looks exactly like Wilfred Brimley these days.  It’s fucking scary.  Look at the two photos below.  I bet you won’t know who’s who.  I’ll give you a hint, the guy on the left coaches a man who electrocuted dogs, and the man on the right says “diabeetus” a lot.  Do you need another hint?  OK, I once saw the fellow on the left eating some oatmeal…meanwhile the dude on the right once grabbed my cock…wait…maybe it’s the other way around…see now I’M confused!!!  Damn!!!

Andy ReidWilford

 

Lastly, the man “in charge” of bringing Rex Ryan AND Tim Tebow to the Jets, former general manager Mike Tannenbaum, has been fired by the team’s owner Woody Johnson.  Why Ryan was not fired is beyond me.  Quite frankly, I’m assuming that Ryan and Johnson have some mutual, foot-fetish, toe-in-ass, blackmailing photos that they are probably using on each other.  As for Tannenbaum, he commented after his firing: “I’d tell you what I disliked about Rex Ryan but he’d probably eat me.  BAM!!!  As for my former owner, Woody Johnson, I’ve never seen a billionaire have such a bad case of Progeria Disease.  BOOM!!  Mike Tannenbaum- shock jock GM- OUT!!”

Bye, MikeFatsoWoody

 

See ya later, dogsies!  The Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) returns Thursday, January 3rd on Ustream at 7 Eastern; and posted on iTunes and RiotCast.com following the broadcast!!  Peace!!

-Dave (1/2/13)