It’s your December Twentieth Davey Mac Sports Report and the Jets take the title of this year’s Sports Clusterfuck Champions. Sources are saying that the team will look to trade (former) starting quarterback Mark Sanchez AND release backup QB Tim Tebow after the season. I haven’t seen two prominent people disappear into thin air so quickly since my Uncle Keyser and his lawyer buddy Kobayashi left our Christmas dinner one night to, in their words, “handle some business.” My Aunt Felicia gave them a little shit for skipping out on the main course (a slowly-cooked goose), and because of it, Uncle Keyser proceeded to shoot all of Aunt Felicia’s Christmas nick-nacks in the head. Uncle Keyser then stopped limping for some reason (I chalked it up to a Christmas Miracle), and lit himself a cigarette with his “bad hand”, as he called it, but which clearly looked to work just fine to me. Anyway, he said to me, “Merry Christmas, Detective Kujan,” (which is not my name) and like THAT…he’s gone.
The best team in Los Angeles, by far and away, is…
…your L.A. Fucking Clippers, dawg!!! Hey Kobe, how does Chris Paul’s ass taste?! The Clips have won eleven in a row and are 19 and 6 overall. Somewhere Clippers fan Billy Crystal is doing little cartwheels live on television as he goes from channel to channel, show to show, plugging that God-awful-looking movie he’s doing with Bette Midler. I believe it’s called Parental Guidance, and in one scene he wears a backwards hat and sunglasses and starts talking like a black man to identify with his white grandchildren. Never has there been such an uncomfortable moment in pop culture since TV execs tried to put a dog named Poochie in the middle of an Itchy and Scratchy episode.
Meanwhile, the Thunder have also played excellent hoops, winning 12 straight games. Last night, Oklahoma City superstar Kevin Durant scored 41 points, grabbed 13 rebounds, and blocked two shots. That guy is fucking great. And so is his motion-picture debut in the film Thunderstruck, where he switches bodies with a little white spaz who always wanted to be a good basketball player. I’m telling you folks, I CRIED when watching this movie…but that was mainly because a dog was biting my dick. In fact, I’m crying right now as I write this…but again…that’s because a dog is biting my dick…and I’m drunk.
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Carmelo Anthony, who returned from injury to score 31 points in the Knicks’ 100 to 86 win over the Nets. Carmelo had a fantastic game…I just wish he would switch bodies with a white boy in order to compete with Durant. I have an idea- he does Durant one better and switches bodies with a little, retarded, white midget!! Then, we’d be saying Academy Award-winner Carmelo Anthony!! Bam!!
See ya, Dave Pound!! And go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes now for the Davey Mac Sports Program Christmas And Other Random Holidays Spectacular!! NOW available (for free)!! The Davey Mac show- voted BEST SHOWS OF 2012 by iTunes!! Peace!!