Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

Linsanity returns to New York! Promptly shits on Knicks! (12/18/12)

  Linsanity

It’s your December Eighteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and Jeremy Lin returned to Madison Square Garden last night and led the Rockets to a 109 – 96 victory over the Knicks.  Lin had 22 points and 8 assists while getting cheered by the New York crowd.  I have to tell you, I miss Lin.  It’s not that the Knicks’ point guards have done a poor job this year.  In fact, both Jason Kidd and Raymond Felton have played well.  But you can’t make fun nick-names with them the way you can with Linsanity.  What are we supposed to do with Felton?!  Fel-ton-enal?!  See?!  You have no idea what I’m talking about!!!  I was trying to cross “Felton” and “phenomenal”!!!  But it didn’t make any fucking sense!!!  It was fucking confusing!!!  As for Kidd, what are we supposed to say- Kidd Rate?!  What I was attempting to do there was cross “Kidd” with “first-rate” but it came WAY too close to sounding like a name that Jerry Sandusky was convicted for!!!  You can’t fucking win!!!

LinsanityAhhh!!Confused

 

The Jets lost any chance of making the playoffs yesterday with a 14 to 10 defeat against the Memphis Titans on Monday Night Football.  Mark Sanchez threw four interceptions in the game.  Sanchez stinks.  He stinks like a guy who hasn’t bathed in a while…resulting in him becoming dirty…and thus making him…”Dirty Sanchez”.  Sorry.  I know that was a long way to go for that one.  I guess I just really, REALLY miss the Linsanity word-play afterall.  Anyway, the Jets failed horribly this year:  the Tebow debacle.  The decline of Sanchez.  Rex Ryan jerking off on women’s shoe catalogs.  Fireman Ed getting sodomized by Policeman Pete.  Paul McCartney being so disgusted at the team that he released a statement saying: “I will never again play the song ‘Jet’ live.  Furthermore, I shall cut my own dick off and mail it to David Blaine.”  Yup, it’s been a TOUGH year for the Jets.

Mark SanchezKansas City Chiefs @ New York Jets<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
10-26-08<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
Steve Moore PhotographySir Paul

 

The NFL announced that Robert Griffin III’s jersey has sold more than any other player’s jersey in a single season since the league started keeping track of sales six years ago.  That’s more sales than Peyton Manning.  More than Tom Brady.  Even more than Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes!!  Even MORE jersey’s than Texas State’s Paul Blake OR Scott Bakula’s!!!  More than Bugs “Suspended For Steroids” Bunny’s jersey!!!  More than MY jersey from the Princeton Mental Health Facility For Unstable People’s Football Team!!!  That’s a LOT of fucking jersey’s!!!

RGIIIBakulaBugs

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Syracuse head basketball coach Jim Boeheim who won his 900th game last night in the Orange’s 72 to 68 victory over Detroit University.  Boeheim now becomes just the third coach in college hoops history to win 900 games; Mike Krzyzewski (936) and Bob Knight (902) are the other two.  Congratulations, Jim Boeheim, even if you do look like Benjamin Franklin…or at the very least…some creepy Ben Franklin impersonator who grabbed my Aunt Tonya’s ass when we visited Philadelphia.

BoeheimBenjamin-Franklin1

See you tomorrow, Dave Pound!!

-Dave (12/18/12)