It’s your December Seventeenth Davey Mac Sports Report and the 49′ers beat the Patriots last night, 41 to 34, behind more solid play from San Francisco rookie QB, Colin Kaepernick, who threw 4 touchdowns. After the game, Kaepernick found Tom Brady, and began creepily rubbing his head as if he were in a quarterback petting zoo (as captured in the photo above). Kaepernick then fed some popcorn to Brady, who happily responded by wagging his tail. Kapernick then waved goodbye to Brady; not realizing that once all the kids were gone, Brady had been scheduled to be slaughtered and cooked for breakfast.
The Giants were absolutely annihilated by the Falcons yesterday- 34 to nothing. I watched the first two quarters before I turned it off. I knew the game was over. Instead, I turned on an Ancients Behaving Badly marathon on H2. I don’t know if you are familiar with this show (or channel for the matter), but it’s fucking awesome. You end up learning a tremendous amount of information. For instance, it turns out that Caligula was very unstable!!! Who woulda thunk it?! I mean, I always thought a Roman emperor who fucked his sisters, murdered children, talked to animals as if they were people, and had schizophrenia was actually quite stable!!! Well, I’ll fucking be!!!
Meanwhile the Redskins and Cowboys won; meaning that the Giants, Washington, and Dallas are in a tie for first in the NFC East with two games to play. I don’t know what the hell is gonna happen with this division. I honestly don’t have a clue. I don’t know much in general. I don’t know how to pronounce the word “hamburger”. I don’t know what a cactus is. I don’t know how to use a fork. I don’t know who Thomas Jefferson was. I don’t know how to blow my nose. I don’t know what the spots on my dick are called. I…just…don’t…know.
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Vikings running back Adrian Peterson who ran for 212 yards and a touchdown as Minnesota beat the Rams, 36 to 22. After having major knee surgery a year ago, Peterson is 294 yards (with two games to play) away from breaking the single-season rushing record (Eric Dickerson- 2,105). I hope he gets it. And I hope I get a house-dwarf for Christmas…I need someone new and challenging who I can play hide-n-seek with and also have massage my feet. Thank you, Santa.
See you homies tomorrow!!