It’s your December Thirteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and the surprise of the NBA this year, the Golden State Warriors, shocked the Miami Heat with a last-second 97 to 95 win on Miami’s floor; giving the Heat just their second home loss this season. I must confess, I did not watch this game because the 12-12-12 Concert was on TV…and I was busy punching myself in the dick out of sheer euphoria from the collaboration between Roger Waters and Eddie Vedder for “Comfortably Numb”. It was honestly was so good that, after multiple hits, I’m sure that I have caused chronic erectile dysfunction!! Yeehhaaww!!!
Tom Watson has been named the 2014 Ryder Cup team captain. At 63 years of age, he will become the oldest golfer to hold that position. Good for Watson; he seems like a good guy. Watson has always done things in a gentlemanly manner…whether it’s winning the U.S. Open, or getting yelled at by that asshole Sherlock Holmes, or using his computer-brain to win Jeopardy, or getting fucked by the guy who plays Ron Weasley…Watson is class-personified.
The Yankees’ future Hall of Fame closer, Mariano Rivera, who missed the vast majority of last season, has said that he will be ready to pitch on Opening Day. I love Mariano. Like Tom Watson, he is class personified. Though I do not think he was ever fucked by Ron Weasley. Anyway, I admire anyone who comes back from injury and performs well. The player I was most in awe of was Bobby Ojeda of the Mets who had the tip of his left middle finger cut off in a bar in 1988…yet still came back in ’89 to pitch well. Then, in 1990, he had his left leg severed while in a pub…but the next year he was back in uniform! Finally, in 1992, Ojeda had his dick chopped off while in a speakeasy…he then won TWO games in ’93!! Great job, Ojeda!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Paul McCartney, who jammed with Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, and Pat Smear last night at the 12-12-12 Benefit Concert to create a sort of insane Beatles-Nirvana hybrid supergroup that blew my fucking head off. If you or someone you know has seen my head, please call 1-888-Dave-Head. Thank you.