It’s your December Twelfth Davey Mac Sports Report and these new “Battles of New York” games are, quite frankly, fucking great. The first match-up earlier this season between the Knicks and Nets went to overtime and saw the Nets winning. In this second contest, the game came right down to the wire before Jason Kidd of the Knicks hit a three-pointer to give Manhattan a 100 to 97 victory over Brooklyn. After the game, Spike Lee (a Knicks loyalist) was heard gloating until Jay Z (part owner of the Nets) was seen popping several caps in Lee’s ass. Jay Z then promised to dedicate his new single to the dead film director, shortly before allowing two rottweilers to eat Lee’s face while Beyonce pissed on him. The NBA- it’s faaaaaaantastic!
Magic Johnson took another shot at the Lakers yesterday by saying that they are not using All-Star Pau Gasol correctly. Magic stated: “I think (coach) Mike D’Antoni is half-retarded. Seriously. Why does he have Gasol on the free throw line when he is a low-post player. Maybe he’s full-retarded. I don’t know. How does one check to see if someone is full or half-retarded? Is there, like, a special Retard Kit that one can buy to find out the level of retard that a person is? If there isn’t then, dammit, I know my next business enterprise: the FIRST EVER Magic Johnson What Kind Of Retard Are You Kit & Retard Detection Machine!!! Only $19.95!! Here’s how to order!!!”
Former NFL Commissioner and the arbitrator in the Saints Bounty Gate case, Paul Tagliabue, over-turned the suspensions of the players involved. They are now eligible to play and yada, yada, fart, shit, poo, jizz…seriously, does ANYONE care about this story anymore? It was news when it first happened almost a YEAR ago, but we’re done with it…just like we’re done with Gangnam Style, wiping our asses every time we go number two, looking animals in the eye, writing good checks, wearing clean clothes, being considerate to old people, and refraining from touching folks on the subway…we’re fucking DONE with all of it!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Bloomington South High School girls basketball team who beat their opponent, Arlington High School, 107 to fucking TWO!!! You heard that right!! Bloomington beat those slut-pigs Arlington by 105 fucking points!! That, my friends, is a BLOW OUT. And to the ladies of Arlington- I suggest giving up hoops and spending your time on doing something more productive…like stripping…as long as you’re of legal age, that is!!!
See you guys later!!
-Dave (12/12/12)