Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

Tom Brady- “I’m Gonna Fuck The Shit Outta Texans D!” (12/11/12)

 

It’s your December Eleventh Davey Mac Sports Report and Tom Brady just showed the Houston Texans who’s boss.  Brady threw four touchdowns against Houston on Monday Night Football as the Patriots won, 42 to 14.  Brady said after the game- “I don’t want to be gross, but I hope (Texans QB) Matt Schaub liked the taste of my jizz.  Again, I don’t want to be disgusting but I REALLY hope the city of Houston enjoyed eating my shit.  Lastly, I don’t want to be nauseating but I really, REALLY hope that the state of Texas was pleased to suck my farts through my bloody asshole that I purposely made bleed by wiping with sand-paper and sticking push-pins in my anus so that I could get extra-bloody farts for Texas to suck on.  Man, on second thought…maybe I DID want to be gross just then…sorry…”

 

San Francisco 49′ers running back Brandon Jacobs has been suspended by coach Jim Harbaugh for three games following a plethora of tweets by Jacobs that said that he wasn’t getting the ball enough, was generally critical of the Niners, and that he missed his old team, the Giants.  Jacobs even put a picture of himself in a Giants’ uniform on Instagram recently.  I understand this.  I sometimes miss places that I used to work at.  For instance, I recently wrote an email to my former boss, Captain Bucky, thanking him for all the years he allowed me to work at Captain Bucky’s Sucky & Fucky Hardcore Toy Store.  He allowed me to personally clean all the used pocket pussies with my bare hands!!  Thanks, Captain Bucky!

 

The Mets have resumed talks with their Cy Young-winner, R.A. Dickey.  No word yet if they plan on re-signing B.J. Cocky, but word is that they may trade for All Star catcher I.P. Freely, and possibly call up minor league shortstop phenom I.M Cunty, that is, unless they acquire middle infielder R.U. Jizzy.

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to your mom.

See ya later, homies!

-Dave (12/11/12)