Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

RG3- Faster than R2, Manlier than 3PO!! (12/4/12)

 

It’s your November Fourth Davey Mac Sports Report and Robert Griffin III is good.  The rookie led the Redskins over the Giants yesterday on Monday Night Football, 17 to 16.  Washington (along with Dallas) is now just one game behind New York for first place in the NFC East.  I like Griffin.  I do.  Even if he did beat my Giants, I like the guy.  But am I the only one who thinks his hair is kind of girly?  Plenty of players have long hair these days…I understand that.  But Griffin’s hairdo isn’t fully long…it’s in a bit of a bob and…well…it’s Victoria Beckham-ish.  It is.  You know it…and I know it.  RG3, for all his immense talent, is the Posh Spice of the National Football League.  I’m not saying that Griffin necessarily fucks David Beckham at night…but he probably does…not that there’s anything wrong with that, as the Seinfeld clan taught us.  No offense, Robert Griffin, but your hair makes me think that you have a pussy.  Sorry.

 

The Heisman Trophy finalists have been announced.  They are: Johnny Manziel of Texas A&M, Manti Te’o of Notre Dame, and Collin Klein of Kansas State.  It’s gonna be hard to beat Johnny Football.  His nickname is football for fuck’s sake, the very sport that the other candidates play.  Maybe Te’o could give himself the monicker of “sports”…in which case, I think that someone named Manti Sports would beat Johnny Football.  But then Klein could go by the name Collin THINGS, which, by being even broader than “sports” would put Klein in the front-funner position.  If I were Te’o, I’d then re-change my name to Earth.  I don’t think any one could defeat Manti Earth.  Unless, Klein ups him and goes with Collin Universe.  That would possibly take the cake.  However, if Te’o becomes Manti GOD, then it’s game, set, match.  Yup, I really have to stop drinking before writing these things.

 

Reports are saying that Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez will miss half of the 2013 MLB season because of hip surgery.  Other reports are saying that due to severe steroid use, A-Rod’s bones are as brittle as graham crackers.  Still more reports are saying that if you dunk A-Rod’s bones in milk, they make for a nice, tasty, snack.  I myself love having a nice plate of A-Rod bones with a cold glass of milk with my children.  My kids can eat a dozen A-Rod bones in one sitting!!  God bless America!!

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to LeBron James, who was named Sports Illustrated‘s Sportsman of the Year.  Former Sportsman of the Year winners include some obvious choices and some forgotten surprises:

* Muhammad Ali (1973 boxing champion)

* Mickey Mantle (1956 triple crown winner)

* Mark Wahlberg & Christian Bale (2010 Double-Stuff Oreo winners)

* Jack Tripper (1977 Falling-Backwards-Over-A-Couch Finalist)

* Gonzo (1983 Muppet Self-Mutilation League MVP)

* The Sphinx (1000 BC Desert Farting Gold Medalist)

* Adolf Hitler (1944 Berlin Badminton Champion)

See you homies tomorrow!!

-Dave (12/4/12)