Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

Thou Shalt Not Fuck With The Commissioner! (11/30/12)

 

It’s your November Thirtieth Davey Mac Sports Report and the San Antonio Spurs are in some hot shit with NBA Commissioner David Stern.  Spurs coach Greg Popovich sat his three all stars (Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili) for a nationally-televised game against the defending-champion Miami Heat.  Why did Pop sit them?  Not because they were hurt.  Not because they were dealing with personal problems.  No.  Because he felt his guys needed a rest.  A fucking MONTH into the season?!  When the game was being played for the entire fucking country on TNT?!?!  Hey, Pop, go suck an egg, you cotton-headed creep!!!  Sports is entertainment, Pop, and you just broke the first rule of this concept- don’t fuck the fans in the ass.  And that’s exactly what you did, Pop; you FUCKED us in the ass.  Yes, you did, Pop.  Yes, you did.  NEVER do this again, you Manuel Noriega-complexioned bastard, or we’ll throw Peanut M&M’s in all of those fucking pock-marks of yours!!!  Jerk!!

 

The Falcons improved to 11 and 1 for the season with a 23 to 13 victory over the Saints last night.  And guess what?  I didn’t watch one measly fucking second of the game.  Why?  Because this whole Thursday Night Football experiment; where the NFL decided to have a Thursday match-up EVERY week, starting at the beginning of the season, for the first time in league history, simply does not work.  People like myself can’t be watching pro football three times a week, EVERY fucking week.  We have things to do.  Speaking for Joe America, I know I just want to relax on Thursday nights while I ratchet up my sick masturbatory technique by slicing my dick with razor blades when I jerk off.  And speaking for John America, I know that sometimes on a Thursday I feel like going over to the local pub, with no pants on of course, and seeing if I can make money by letting drunk people pour draft beer down my ass.  Sorry, NFL, but speaking for Jack America, your experiment has not worked…now if you’ll excuse me, inspired A Christmas Story, I must spray my cock with water and stick it to a frozen flag-pole.  Good Day.

 

The Mets and David Wright have agreed to a seven-year extension worth around $140 million.  That’s a lot of dough.  Which reminds me…I am fucking PISSED that I did not win the $550 million Powerball jackpot the other day.  PISSED.  I play that thing every fucking Wednesday and have the sons of bitches EVER rewarded the Dave Man with a jackpot?!?!  FUCK NO!!  And I am PISSED!!  What the shit, Powerball?!  What did I ever do to YOU?!  I mean, sure, I blew up your headquarters once.  And another time I wiped my ass on fifty Powerball tickets and stuffed them back into one of the machines.  Oh, and one time after I lost, I wrote “Fuckerball” on the ground with my own piss and took a picture of it and posted it on Instagram.  But besides those things, what the fuck did I ever do to you, Powerball?!?!

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Super Mario…because in an hour or two, I’m gonna be hanging with him at Nintendo World in Rockefeller Plaza in New York City!!  I’m so excited I could shit!!  It’s a-me…Davio!!

See you homies later!  Due to the Patrice O’Neal Tribute (in honor of the late, great comedian) on the Opie & Anthony Channel this weekend, there will be no Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday!!  But we’ll be back NEXT Saturday!!  And remember to check out the online version of the show on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  RIP, Patrice!!

-Dave (11/30/12)