It’s your November Twenty-Ninth Davey Mac Sports Report and we had ourselves a good-old fashioned brawl between the Brooklyn Nets and the Boston Celtics last night, baby!! Oh yeah!! The Nets kicked the Celtics’ ass twice; first on the scoreboard (Brooklyn won 95 to 83); and secondly when Nets forward Kris Humphries threw Kevin Garnett to the ground on a hard foul. After the game, Boston head coach Doc Rivers called his team “soft.” Ouch. When you’re called “soft” by your own coach, you plum suck, daddy. Basically Rivers is saying that his team is a collection of “non-working penises.” At least, that’s how I interpret it. Rivers is calling his players a bunch of “erectile dysfunctions.” And that hurts, mister. Rivers essentially is stating the Celtics are “a group of flaccid, mushy, limp dicks that couldn’t get hard if Angelina Jolie and Kate Upton scissor-sister’ed right in front of them while hot midgets juggled pocket pussies that were lit on fire and the Today Show‘s Natalie Morales and Savannah Guthrie started pulling each other’s hair before slitting the throats of Al Roker and Matt Lauer and 69′ing each other in the men’s blood.” That hurts.
No. 2 Duke beat No. 4 Ohio State last night- 73 to 68. I didn’t get to see this game because I was busy getting into a yelling match with my neighbor Al. He was mad at what he called my “offensive” Christmas decorations on my lawn. I’m sorry, Al, but I find an inflatable, twelve-foot Santa with an inflatable, three-foot dick to be in fine Christmas spirit. Anyway, we settled our differences…I burned his fucking house to the ground.
The New Orleans Saints are upset that their bus was egged at an Atlanta airport as they prepare for tonight’s game against the Falcons. Big deal, I remember when Europe’s greatest badminton team, the Belfast Protestants, were fire-bombed to fucking hell when in Northern Ireland. Yowza’s!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to my lawyer…who has gotten me out on bail after I burned down my neighbor’s house and shot his three cats. Thanks, Gerald!!