It’s your November Twenty-First Davey Mac Sports Report and since this will be the last report before this long, holiday weekend, let me take the time now to say Happy Thanksgiving, you fuckers!!! Yessir!! It’s a time to reflect about some of the blessings in our life. A few of mine include:
* My significant other seems to hate me a little less this week than last week
* I have such a bountiful collection of Thanksgiving porn! The Pilgrims would shit if I ever played it for ‘em! (PS- the girls who play the Native Americans are generally hotter than the Puritans…though I think they disguised a black girl in one scene as an Indian…which I believe is historically inaccurate)
* I am thankful my significant other hasn’t yet found my butt-plugs I use when jerking off
* I feel blessed that I have never thrown up in a Dairy Queen though several times I have been tempted to
* I am humbled to have such wonderful co-workers who stupidly don’t realize that I wipe snot on their chairs at the office
* I am grateful for having a shitty car that seems to be made of Lego’s as some part of the car always falls off when I drive over twenty-five fucking miles per hour!!
* I am happy that my ass is not currently leaking
I love Thanksgiving. Usually, it is a wonderful time of year where I steal silverware from my in-laws’ house and sell it on eBay. But this year, since I will be celebrating the holiday at my parents’ house, I will not dare take their silverware. Instead, I shall simply go into my mom’s purse and steal COLD, HARD CASH, BABY!!! Yeeeeehhaaawww!!!!!!
And even though the football games are not terrific on Thanksgiving…they’re certainly not bad, either…and I can’t fucking wait. I love eating and football about as much as I love drinking toilet water and spitting it on my pet rabbit. First, we have the Houston Texans against the Detroit Lions. Davey Mac Prediction- I’ll be a little buzzed by half-time. I’ll also most likely have some spittle dripping from the side of my mouth. Then we have the Washington Redskins versus the Dallas Cowboys. Davey Mac Prediction #2- I’ll be drunk and jolly and will be putting on an impromptu dance party by the third quarter when I drunkenly lose my balance and crash into my parents’ glass coffee table, breaking it into a million pieces. The joyous party will screech to a sudden, uncomfortable halt. Lastly, we have the New York Jets taking on the New England Patriots (on the NFL Network). Davey Mac Prediction #3- I will find myself in the police station for the third straight year after it was determined that I put shit in my parents’ neighbors’ mailbox. Boy oh boy, I can’t wait!!
But my favorite thing about Thanksgiving is our legendary football game, the McDonald Two-Hand-Touch Turkey Bowl, which inevitably goes from a nice, sensitive, two-hand touch contest; into a “rough touch” level where people are allowed to shove old players into the bushes; and then up to a full-on tackle football game where every single member of the family is trying to Lawrence Taylor/Joe Theisman each other’s legs; and finally a hard-core weapons match where we forget about football altogether and slam bricks and vases over each other’s heads. It’s fucking fun!!!
Anyway, have a great Thanksgiving, Dave Pound!! Don’t forget to download (for free) this week’s spectacular Davey Mac Sports Program Thanksgiving Special!! Available now on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!! Have a fantastic holiday!!