Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

San Franciso beats Chicago in the Backup Quarterback Bowl! (11/20/12)

 

It’s your November Twentieth Davey Mac Sports Report and the 49′ers crushed the Bears last night, 32 to 7.  San Francisco was led by backup QB Colin Kaepernick, who was filling in for a concussed Alex Smith.  Kaepernick threw for 243 yards and two TD’s in the win.  I hope Alex Smith is familiar with the story of Wally Pipp.  You see, Alex, Pipp was the starting first baseman for the New York Yankees.  He sat out one day, and was replaced by a young man named Lou Gehrig…who didn’t gave up the position for 2,130 consecutive fucking games!!!  Meanwhile, having lost his job to Gehrig, Pipp fell out of baseball.  He tried to start a vaudeville ventriloquist routine, as Wally & his puppet Black-Face, but the act was halted after a poorly-received performance in Harlem.  Then Pipp tried to open up his own sex toy shop.  But in the 1930′s, Wally’s Wooden Dildo’s Boutique didn’t go over very well.  Later in the decade, Pipp turned to owning a print shop, however, not being very familiar with world politics, Wally made an unintentional yet huge mistake when he created 200 signs for German-Americans that said I HEART HITLER.  Take a good look, Alex Smith, because Wally Pipp and Hitler signs are your future.

 

David Beckham says he will leave the L.A. Galaxy after the MLS Cup on Dec. 1.  In related news, Who Gives A Fuck?!  This is America, daddy!!  We don’t give two cat shits about soccer, home-fry!!!  We’re AMERICA, dammit!!  We loves our guns and our explosions and our shootin’ people and our cars and our driving our Ford truck into our ex-girlfriend’s house because we noticed on her Facebook that she is now goin’ out with that asshole Brent who we used to fucking make fun of and now she is fuckin’ DATING him and how the fuck could you do that, Megan, you agreed that Brent is a fuckin’ douche-bag and now you’re fucking him, oh fuck this, if I ever see that guy I’m gonna run his fuckin’ ass over with my fuckin’ truck, is what I’m's gonna do!!!!

 

Plaxico Burress is expected to visit the Steelers for a possible job opening.  Burress commented: “…And rest assured, Steelers fans, I will NEVER shoot myself in the ass with a gun again.  NEVER.  Now, I can’t promise that I won’t stab myself in the dick-hole with a butter knife.  Damn, I love injuring myself!”

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Lakers’ new head coach Mike D’Antoni, who will make his debut tonight on the sidelines as the Lakers take on the Nets in L.A.  I think I’m gonna watch this game.  Either that, or a new movie I rented, “Big Butts Sitting On Small Tools Part II.”  I can’t tell you what kind of movie it is…but I think you can guess.

See you guys tonight on Ustream for the Davey Mac Sports Program!!  LIVE at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Adios!!

-Dave (11/20/12)