It’s your November Fifteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and possibly the GREATEST Laker ever, Sir Magic Johnson has called out his former organization (I’m not sure if he ever was actually knighted but it sounded good. I mean, I don’t know who would even knight him anyway. Is there such a thing as the Knights of the Aids Table?). Magic says that Lakers Vice President and Daddy’s Boy, Jim Buss, is basically a piece of shit after hiring zero-time champion Mike D’Antoni over eleven-time champion Phil Jackson as the Lakers’ new head coach. “I DON’T believe in Jim Buss,” Magic stated publicly. “If I could, I’d give him HIV,” Magic stated privately. “I’d take a needle filled with my own blood and stab Jim Buss in the dick to give him a case of Cock-AIDS…which is the WORST kind…trust me,” Magic stated insanely. In this journalist’s opinion, I agree with Magic- Cock-AIDS IS the worst kind.
The Mets’ ace R.A. Dickey has become the first knuckle-baller in Cy Young history to win the award (the era spans 56 years). It’s a great achievement by Dickey, who has won the award at the age of 38 after overcoming injuries and TWO separate childhood molestations. That’s right. He was molested by two DIFFERENT people when he was a kid. Can you imagine that fucking shit?! Fuck homies, I was attacked by a swarm of bees on two separate occasions and I STILL bring it up to my therapist every Thursday!! “Doc,” I says, “every time I think of the bees I just get filled with anxiety. And I can’t get rid of it until I jerk off onto a piece of bread and eat it. Shit, Doc, I think I’m getting some anxiety right NOW!!” At this point, my therapist usually replies, “For the last time, David, I am your DENTIST. And if you masturbate on me ONE more time, I’m gonna call the cops.”
Jets head coach Rex Ryan called his players who anonymously ripped Tim Tebow in a newspaper article “cowardly” (some Jets players stated that Tebow was “terrible”). For once, I agree with Rex Ryan. If you’re gonna criticize someone, put your name on it. Otherwise, go home and touch your wife’s feet weirdly and make sure you put a video of you and your wife role-playing in some sick and perverted foot fetish video that was so uncomfortable to watch that even Larry Flynt called it “gross.” Then, fart on your wife because the lap-band that you have put on is squeezing your intestines so hard that the only relief you get is to emit flatulence onto your sleeping spouse’s face. Yup, I agree with Rex.
The Davey Mac Player(s) of the Day goes to the other L.A. basketball team, the Clippers, who are now 6 and 2 after beating the Miami Heat last night- 107 to 100. Prediction: the Clippers will make it to the NBA Finals this year. Double-prediction: I will get arrested soon for indecent exposure as the crotch area of my jeans is slowly ripping and since I have no money to replace them, I am like a red-headed, homely, male version of crotchless Madonna…and let me tell’s ya…that ain’t pretty, people.