It’s the November Fourteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and let’s face it, the Jets quarterbacks really suck…and now we have the evidence to back it up. In a report by the New York Daily News, players (on condition of anonymity) spoke about their QB situation. While they were not in love with starter Mark Sanchez, they think backup Tim Tebow is “terrible.” Said one player- “I would rather have Daniel Day-Lewis’ character from My Left Foot throwing the ball…get it??? Because his fucking arms didn’t work!!! Hahahaha!!! But seriously, I’d prefer Deputy Clyde from Unforgiven to be my God-Damn quarterback than Tebow!! Haha!! Do you fucking get it?!?! Because the son of a bitch only had one arm!!! Hahahaha!!! Oh, I’m on fire!! Ha! I got it going ON tonight, boy!!! Hahaha!! Anyway, I’m third-string quarterback/comedian Greg McElroy saying- ‘Laugh it up, fuzzballs! Good night!’

…shit…I…oh fuck…I just realized that this was supposed to be anonymous…um…could…shit…could you take my name off those jokes…I mean…well…they were more like comments rather than jokes anyway…I…ugh…shit, I fucked up…again…”

In a MAJOR baseball hot stove development, the Marlins have once again dumped salary and discouraged their fan base by trading more of their stars for very little in return. Miami has traded Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle, John Buck, and Emilio Bonifacio to the Blue Jays for a few potato chips, an old Highlights magazine, a couple of Garbage Pail Kids cards, an electric football table, and some cheese.

The Duke Blue Devils upset the Kentucky Wildcats in college basketball yesterday- 75 to 68. Anytime I think Duke-Kentucky I think about the famous Christian Laettner buzzer-beater in March Madness. I believe the year was 1992. And a young teenage Davey Mac was just sprouting. It was the year I would graduate grade school. And it was the year I would first use my blue Smurf doll, Clumsy, as a fuck-toy. I had cut a hole in Clumsy and lined it with Saran Wrap. Then I squirted some Lubriderm in the wrap and proceeded to fuck it. Ah yes…’tis was 1992…and ’twas a good year…

The Davey Mac Player(s) of the Day goes to the New York Knickerbockers who are 5 and 0 for the first time since 1993. Ah, yes…1993…the year I took my Thunrdercats guys, lubed them up, and…nevermind…