It’s your October Twenty-Fifth Davey Mac Sports Report and Pablo Sandoval hit three fucking home runs last night in the Giants’ 8 to 3 victory over the Tigers in Game 1 of the World Series. The only other people to have done this include- the greatest player of all time and fat whore-fucker: Babe Ruth; Hall-of-Famer and King of Attempted Queen Assassinations: Reggie Jackson; and future Hall-of-Famer and “Man Whose Last Name Is Synonymous With Anus”: Albert Pujols (Poo-Holes). That’s some pretty damned prestigious company. This makes Sandoval officially the second greatest Pablo ever, only behind Pablo Escobar, six-time Drug Dealer of the Year (1983-88), thrice named “Scariest Man With A Porn Mustache”, and back-to-back “Oh, Fuck! It’s Pablo Escobar And He’s Got A Fucking Machete!” Award-winner.
Meanwhile, Tigers ace Justin Verlander was the guy tagged for two of those home runs yesterday; and ultimately was the losing pitcher for Detroit. Some baseball analysts have compared Verlander to Sandy Koufax but, quite honestly, I’ve never seen Koufax get fucked in the ass by a fat Venezuelan man who goes by the nick-name “Panda”. No. Now, I have seen Koufax get fucked in the ass by a three-foot Cuban midget named “Koala”. But you didn’t need to know that.
In non-baseball news, the New York Islanders will move their hockey team from Long Island to Brooklyn where they will share the Barclays Center with the Nets. That’s right- the Islanders have left Long Island. Somehwere in the distance, one can hear Eddie Money and Joey Buttafuoco crying, hugging, and then jerking each off.
Jets head coach Rex Ryan wants Dolphins running back Reggie Bush to apologize after Bush remarked of Jets All Pro cornerback Darrelle Revis’ season-ending injury: “What goes around comes around.” Bam!!! I agree with Rex!! Those were some harsh fucking words!! I mean, they weren’t as severe as “A penny saved is a penny earned”!! Nor were they as disgusting as “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”!!! But still, “What goes around comes around” is FUCKING FIGHTING words!!! Apologize, Reggie, for the most NON-smack-talk smack-talk this journalist has ever fucking heard!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the aforementioned Pablo Sandoval. Congrats, Panda. Somewhere Babe Ruth is smiling down on you in Heaven and thinking, “I wish I could fuck Mary Magdalene just ONCE. Damn, she’s smokin’!!!”