It’s your October Twenty-Third Davey Mac Sports Report and the San Francisco Giants, down 3 games to 1 against the St. Louis Cardinals in the National League Championship Series, ran the mother-fucking table, finishing in a 9 to nothing Game 7 rout last night, and will now be going to the World Series. Good for San Francisco!! The city has been struggling to recoup ever since the shocking development of comedian Joey Gladstone choking out D.J. Tanner and her best friend Kimmy Gibbler and burying their bodies in the backyard of D.J.’s house (the bodies were discovered by a drunken, high individual, only known to neighbors as “Uncle Jessie”; who was also a suspect in the case). Good for you, San Francisco!! Rice-A-Roni may suck dicks, but at least your city doesn’t!!!! …What’s so funny?
Meanwhile, the Cardinals had their six elimination-game winning-streak snapped. I blame it all on Albert Pujols for leaving St. Louis in LeBron James-esque fashion, yet somehow not getting the insane media criticism that LeBron got. Hey, Albert, don’t forget one thing- your last name is still pronounced POO-HOLES, jerk!!! Hahahaha!! And maybe we can be honest with each other and say that Mr. Shingles, Tony LaRussa, really does make a difference in these situations. Furthermore, Mr. Dildo makes a difference in situations with my significant other. But you didn’t need to know that.
Speaking of LeBron James, in a survey, the NBA’s general managers have chosen the Miami Heat to repeat as champions. Way to go, GM’s! That shows real confidence in…oh, I don’t know…your OWN fucking teams!!! Why don’t we just give LeBron his fourth fucking MVP award right now!! Shit, why don’t we just get LeBron a slightly under-aged whore from Beirut, lock her in a box a la the Gimp from Pulp Fiction-style, ship her over to LeBron with a big red bow on said box, with a note attached to it that says, “Here ya go, King. Here’s a prostitute from Beirut. Later.” And then we can get LeBron a pet dragon and an elf to play with and all the things his fucking evil heart desires!! DAMN, GM’s!!!
By the way, there was a Monday Night Football game on last night. But I was too busy watching the NLCS. I know the Bears and Lions played. I’m not too sure what happened after that. Heck, I’m not too sure about most things. I’m not even sure if my dick is still attached to my body after I put it in a weed-wacker.
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Marco Scutaro of the aforementioned Giants after he hit, get this, .500 for the series and tied an NLCS record with 14 hits overall. Damn. I never even hit that well in Nintendo’s Baseball Stars. Fuck it, I’m gonna shit and play some Metroid.
See ya manana, Davidos!
-Dave (10/23/12)