Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

The O’s win Game 2! The Cheeri’s rejoice! (10/9/12)

 

It’s your October Ninth Davey Mac Sports Report and the Baltimore Orioles needed a win desperately last night…and they got it, daddy.  Down one game to none in their Division Series against the Yankees, the O’s clawed their way to a 3 to 2 victory, tying up the series as it heads to New York.  And we now have ourselves a series, baby!!  That’s right, kitten!!!  We’re all square in an old-school Yanks-Orioles series, french fry!!  And, I for one, couldn’t be more excited, Tickle Buddy!!  I wouldn’t mind coming over to your house and giving you a little rub down, Sexy-Face!!  I’d run my hands over your shoulders, down your back, and right to the Special Place, Jizz-Chum!!  And by “Special Place” I mean “The Ass”, Butter-Cum!!!  Ooooooooh, yeahhhhhhh!!!!!!

 

Meanwhile, the Cardinals also evened up their series with the Nationals with a 12 to 4 victory.  Carlos Beltran hit two homers in the game.  Gee whiz, I’d give anything to hit an MLB Postseason home run.  Seriously.  I don’t know who to bribe, but if you’re out there listening, I have at least 50 vintage Star Wars action figures, seventeen of which are HAVE NOT BEEN OPENED!!!  Or, if you want, I’ll give you my fucking dog!!  She’s great!  She’s a Pomeranian and has three feet!!  This makes her a special collector’s item-kind-of-dog!!  I also can offer you my wife’s underwear, or some non-poisonous candy, or an invention that I made called the Fuck-Wand!!!  Just think about it, Baseball, I need a postseason home run!!!

 

—BREAKING NEWS—

Jerry Sandusky has been given his prison sentence!

 

—THIS JUST IN—

He will serve no less than 30 years…and no more than 60 years!

 

—DEVELOPING STORY—

Sandusky still has yellow teeth!

 

—NEWS FLASH—

I gots ta shit, dawg!!!

 

—UH OH—

I think a little shitties just came out!

 

—FUCK—

Yup!  Better throw out my boxers before anyone smells me!  Later!

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Houston Texans running back Arian Foster; who ran for 152 yards and a touchdown as the Texans beat the Jets, 23 to 17.  I think it’s very odd that a nice black gentleman is named “Arian”, which, though spelled differently, conjures up a WHOLE different image!!  I don’t know, maybe that’s just me.  Signed, Davey McAfrican

Hasta manana, friendo’s!!

-Dave (10/9/12)