It’s your October Second Davey Mac Sports Report and Tony Romo and the Cowboys got fucked up by the Bears yesterday on Monday Night Football- 34 to 18. Romo matched his career high with FIVE interceptions (two of which were returned for touchdowns). When are we gonna finally admit it, people: Tony Romo is simply NOT that good. WHEN will we admit, I says?! When we will finally admit that we stuff small animals in our underwear on Friday evenings…just to “see what happens”?? WHEN will we admit that?! When will we admit that sometimes we put secret, hidden, recording devices in women’s bathrooms…at old age homes?? WHEN, we says?! When will we admit that we think of Cleo, Riff Raff from Heathcliff’s girlfriend when we masturbate…and that sometimes we are wearing a cat mask and we purr as we are doing it?!?! WHEN, mother-fucker?!?!?!
With two games remaining, Miguel Cabrera leads in all of the A.L. Triple Crown categories, giving him an excellent chance to become MLB’s first Triple Crown winner since Carl Yastrzemski did it in 1967. 1967. That was a good year. The Beatles gave us Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Dustin Hoffman lit up movie screens in The Graduate. And my Mommy and Daddy got married. And then Mommy and Daddy would give birth to Baby Davey in 1977. And in 1980, after I nearly burned down the house while playing with the stove, Mommy and Daddy would say to Davey, “You were a mistake.” And in 1982, after young Davey would pour White Out on Daddy’s head while he was napping, Daddy would wake up and say to Mommy, “I told you we should have gotten rid of him.” And in 1984, after Little Davey would throw an apple at his teacher’s fore-head, knocking off her glasses, Mommy and Daddy would explain to her in an after-school meeting, “We know he’s the Devil. We apologize. If we could legally kill him we would.” Oh, 1967, you the bestest year ever!!!
With the Braves losing last night, the Washington Nationals have won the NL East! That’s right! I said it! The Washington Nationals, formerly known as the Montreal Expos, have won a division title and are headed to the playoffs for the first time since 1933. I mentioned this to my great-uncle Charles, who is a big baseball fan, and he nearly passed out. Of course, when I was talking to Uncle Charles, I was also suffocating him with an old rag dipped in chloroform. I WANT MY FUCKING INHERITANCE, UNCLE CHARLES, DIE ALREADY!!!!!!!
The Davey Mac Player(s) of the Day goes to the Oakland A’s, who have guaranteed themselves a spot as one of the two teams that will play in the A.L. Wild Card Playoff game. I feel good for the city of Oakland. They deserve it. Unlike the city of Benghazi, Libya, who will all the nonsense going on, does NOT deserve a spot in the American League playoffs. And I hope you NEVER make it to the post-season, Benghazi, EVEN as a WILD CARD team, you sons of bitches!!! Go A’s!!
See you homies, manana!!!