Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

The Refs get a standing ovation! Hitler suddenly deemed a “pretty nice guy”! (9/28/12)

 

It’s your September Twenty-Eighth Davey Mac Sports Report and the Ravens and Browns played last night, with the Ravens winning, 23 to 16.  But the main story was that the actual NFL officials returned to football.  In this journalist’s opinion, it was great to see the Replacement-Replacement refs back in action.  And hopefully another lockout doesn’t occur, or we’ll get the Replacement-Replacement-Replacement Refs back.  And we certainly don’t need that.  Anyway, the real refs actually got a standing ovation from the fans in Baltimore.  In other news, cats and dogs have squashed their beef and will get married in Massachusetts, Optimus Prime has decided to give up transforming into a large truck and will opt to change into a paper towel instead, Mitt Romney says he will now go by the name Sock Romney, Garfield insists that he will “get off his fat ass and get in shape”, and the Emperor declares that he will begin “listening to Phish and forget about this whole Empire and Dark Side of the Force stuff and just chill out and whatnot.”

 

And yes, folks, as I said earlier in this Report, there was another NFL Thursday Night Football game; even though it’s fucking September!!  I’m sorry, but I can’t stand by this decision to have football on Thursday’s that aren’t Thanksgiving.  The only solution, to me, would be if America declares EVERY Thursday “Thanksgiving Day” and we celebrate that crazy-assed, Pilgrim-and-Indian-fucked-up holiday every week!!  But that’s gonna take an extraordinary imagination with regards to side dishes!!!  I mean, if we are gonna have Thanksgiving and thus eating turkey every fucking Thursday, then we’re gonna need to come up with some creative ways to cook potatoes!!  ‘Cause although I love ‘em, I’m not gonna be eatin’ sweet potatoes every fucking week, you sons of bitches!!!  I need some diversity!!!!!

…oh fuck it, let’s just go to Pizza Hut instead…

 

Hey, on this day in 1941, Ted Williams went 6 for 8 in a double-header, putting his average for the season at .406.  In the 71 years since, no man has hit for .400 in Major League Baseball.  And I do not think a player ever will hit for .400 again.  There’s a better chance of my dick falling off then, OH MY GOD, MY COCK IS ON THE FLOOR!!!!  NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH ALL MY PEE-PEE?!?!?  I MEAN, I CAN STORE IT IN MY TUMMY FOR A LITTLE WHILE BUT EVENTUALLY I HAVE TO GET RID OF MY PEE-PEE!!  CAN ONE SHIT PEE-PEE?!?! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey, the knuckle-baller who got his twentieth win of the season yesterday.  I promise I’m not gonna laugh when I write his name but Dickey (giggle), is just having a great year and if they don’t give Dickey (chortle) the NL Cy Young then they owe Dickey–oh fuck it–AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!  I’m sorry!!  But his fucking name is DICKEY!!!  Like PENIS-ey!!  Oh geez, that really cracks me up!!!  I also get cracked up by farts, animals wearing bow-ties, and clowns that are passed out on my mom’s couch.

See you guys Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL…LIVE at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!!  Have a good weekend!!

-Dave (9/28/12)