It’s your September Twenty-Sixth Davey Mac Sports Report and the NFL is standing behind the INSANE replacement referees who officiated the Packers-Seahawks matchup on Monday Night Football, even though nearly every single human who saw the game knows that the refs fucked it so hard that the game has been having trouble walking for the past 36 hours. I think that Roger Goodell refuses to believe that Americans have eye balls…that perhaps we are some sort of amoeba without the ability of sight…or possibly that we are just a bunch of Venus Flytraps, sitting on our couches with no vision until a Big Mac flies over our mouths and we spring into action!! Is THAT what you think of us, Goodell?!?! HUH?!?! You piece of shit, we’ll get you, Goodell!!! We’ll come to the NFL Offices on Park Avenue in New York City and show you what kind of Flytraps we are when we bite your fucking face off, you condescending, patronizing, son of a bitch!!! We’ll get you if it’s the last thing we do!!!! (…By the way, reader, I hope you don’t mind me speaking for you as I threaten to cannibalize the NFL Commissioner).
Sources are saying that because of the replacement refs’ wrong call on Monday night, an incredible $150-250 million shifted in bets in Las Vegas and other gambling areas worldwide. See, that’s why I don’t gamble. I’m not saying that I’m not without vices of my own, I mean, I do choke small animals every time there is a full moon after all. And sometimes I hide under the bed at a nursing home in an attempt to scare old people into having a stroke of some kind so that I can then steal all their clothes. Oh, and occasionally I get liquored up and fall asleep in pre-schools. BUT…I NEVER fucking gamble.
Sources within the Reds’ organization are saying that in addition to having an irregular heartbeat, manager Dusty Baker actually had a stroke last week. However the 63-year-old will be back for Cincinnati’s final series of the regular season and the playoffs. Now THAT is a tough guy…unlike my pussy of a cousin, Liam. He once sneezed and then said that “his head hurt.” Poor baby. Of course, he didn’t realize that in fact I had hit him in the back of the skull with a baseball bat…that’s what you get for stealing my Garbage Pail Kids, Liam, you fucking pussy!!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Atlanta Braves who, with their 4 to 3 win over the Marlins last night, have clinched a wild card spot in the NL playoffs. Good for the Braves. It should be very exciting to see them once again in the post-season playing in a half-filled stadium, before nonchalant, passionless fans, who would rather watch Bravo then attend a baseball game, the sons of bitches, you know what, Atlanta??? FUCK YOU!!!!!
See you guys tonight for the Davey Mac Sports Program! LIVE on Ustream at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific!!! Peace!!