Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

The Packers & Seahawks duel in Clusterfuck Bowl II (9/25/12)

 

It’s your September Twenty-Fifth Davey Mac Sports Report and seriously, folks, what the fuck are we gonna do about these replacement refs?  I don’t know if we can hire the assassins from Munich to individually shoot these bastards…or if we can lure them into a movie theater a la Inglourious Basterds and blow them the fuck up like the Nazi’s they certainly are…or perhaps rent some Gremlins to generally terrorize these awful people…but we HAVE to do something!!!  One day after possibly saying that a field goal in the Patriots-Ravens game was good when it may NOT have been, the replacements made another mother-fucking mess of the game last night between the Packers and Seahawks when they said that a Packer, who looked to make an interception on a Hail Mary thrown by Seattle, not only did NOT make the pick, but that in fact a Seahawks player caught the ball for a fucking touchdown!!!  Despite a REPLAY showing the Packer defensive back catching the ball, the refs stood by their retardedly inept call and awarded Seattle the game-winning TD.  I can’t take it anymore.  If NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell doesn’t fix this shit immediately, I’m gonna light myself on fire outside his office in New York City like that pacifist did in the ’60′s when he was protesting the Vietnam War.

…Oh, who am I kidding…I’d pussy out…still, I like the idea…I wonder if I could give some money and hooch to some homeless people to light them on fire…NOT that I want to!!!  But I have to prove a point somehow!!

 

Meanwhile, sources say that Bill Belichick may get fined after touching the arm of a replacement ref after the controversial field goal from Sunday night (some journalists have said that Belichick “grabbed” the ref’s arm; but I don’t think he grabbed it.  When I think of someone being “grabbed”, I think of The King grabbing Elijah Wood or that little red-headed numbskull in Radio Flyer just before he beat them with power tools and shaved their heads or whatever…I don’t really remember that movie, I was drunk.  I only somewhat remember the ending, where that little red-haired spaz flew away on his shitty wagon and then landed on an island full of dinosaurs, where he and his sister were given a tour by possible pedophile Sam Neill.  What a great fucking movie!)

 

Marlins pitcher Heath Bell implied that manager Ozzie Guillen is “two-faced” in a radio interviewer and that the team does not respect him.  Maybe that’s true, Heath, but you’re fat and you look like Kenny Powers.  As far as Ozzie Guillen goes, he sort of reminds me of a chipmunk, but then again, I’m smoking pot right now…

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Yankees’ Andy Pettitte, who threw six scoreless innings in the Yanks’ 6 to 3 win over the Twins.  Good for you, Andy.  You know, I always liked the name Andy.  Andy Pettitte.  Andy Kaufman.  Andy Dufresne from The Shawshank Redemption.  I like Andy’s…except YOU Andy Dick, YOU are my NUMBER ONE ENEMY—And I WILL crush you!!!!  Hahahahahaha!!!!!!

Talk to you later, friends and family!!!

-Dave (9/25/12)