Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

The Ravens & Patriots duel in the Clusterfuck Bowl! (9/24/12)

 

It’s your September Twenty-Fourth Davey Mac Sports Report and the Patriots and Ravens had a thriller last night with Baltimore beating New England on a last-second field goal, 31 to 30.  Oh, and there were also 24 penalties called.  Oh and oh- the field goal also may not have even fucking gone in.  And the game took 82 hours because these mother-fucking replacement referees suck the elephant dick!!!!  My Lord, enough is enough!!!  These NFL games have gone to shit quicker than Bud Fox from Wall Street!!!!  Football Sunday’s used to be my crown jewel of the Sports World and now they’ve been fucked harder in the ass by these replacement refs than Blue Star Airlines was by the great Gordon Gekko!!!  And as an aside, for fuck’s sake, Bud, why get so high and mighty about Blue Star being taken over by Gekko anyway?!?!  I mean, I know it’s your dad’s workplace and all, but YOU introduced Gekko to Blue Star in the first place!!!  Was it really a surprise when he wanted to buy ‘em out and crush ‘em!!!  Get your fucking head out of your ass, Bud!!!!

 

The Saints lost in overtime to the lowly Chiefs yesterday- 27 to 24 in OT- putting New Orleans at 0 and 3 for the season.  Well, that about does it.  Put it in the bank- the Saints are DONE this year.  I mean, sure, I’ve sometimes hopped off a bandwagon too early in my past.  But I am giving you a Davey Mac GUARANTEE that the Saints will not make the playoffs.  Don’t hold the fact that I got other GUARANTEES wrong.  I still think that Walter Mondale should have beaten Ronald Reagan for the Presidency in 1984.  And, yeah, maybe I spoke in haste when I uttered the words “This American Idol thing will NOT last.  Guaran-damn-tee.” And ok, I got one wrong when I looked into my crystal ball and proclaimed ”I predict 1,000 years of peace and harmony for Libya and America.  Gauran-fucking-tee.”  Sheesh, I REALLY fucked THAT one up.  Go Saints!

 

The 49′ers were SHOCKED by the Vikings on Sunday, losing 24 to 13 to Minnesota.  It’s the first time anyone from California lost to someone from Minnesota since Hulk Hogan of Venice Beach was defeated by Jesse “The Body” Ventura of Minneapolis in a cage match, and then put in a sleeper hold, and then hog-tied when he was asleep, and then Jesse “The Body” took a scolding hot fire iron and shoved it into the Hulkster’s ass and, yeah, yeah, I’m pretty sure that this whole thing was another Sizzurp-fueled hallucination.  Sorry about this.

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Monday Night Football, for being on this evening.  I think I’m gonna have a good ol’ fashioned football evening, come 8:30.  Some beers, some wings, some chips, some pot, some guns, some threats, some burglaries, some ski masks, some stick-ups, some midgets, some dildos, some shitties.  Just a good ‘ol fashioned Football Night!!!

I see’s ya’s tomorrow’s, Dave Pound!!  Peace!!!

-Dave (9/24/12)