Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

The Giants shit and shut the Panthers! (9/21/12)

 

It’s your September Twenty-First Davey Mac Sports Report and the Giants didn’t just beat the Panthers last night (36 to 7), they kicked the everlasting shit out of them in a manner so violent the G-Men looked less like a football team and more like a pissed-off Sonny Corleone as they took the Panthers by the fucking lapels and threw them over a gate as they proceeded to slam Carolina in the head with a fucking garbage can.  That’s what the Panthers get for laying their hands on Connie!!!  But watch out, G-Men!!  Carolina is fixin’ to have you shot on the Causeway!!  And if that happens, I’m gonna have to say out loud, “Look-a what they did to my football team!!!”

 

Manny Pacquiao said that he would be willing to take less money than Floyd Mayweather if it would get Mayweather in the ring with him for a fight.  Bam!  Now it’s up to YOU, Floyd!!  Stop the bullshit and get this thing going already!!  I am sick and tired of the stalling!!  I’m also sick and tired of the following:

* People in the hospital complaining about the smell of my farts

* Children who laugh at me when I accidentally cut my leg off while mowing the lawn

* Driving teachers who blame me for crashing their students just because I put hidden bombs and sniper-assassins on the driving obstacle course

* Animals who shriek when I bite into them while they’re still alive

* 7-11 cashiers who refuse me service because I come in with no shirt and no pants on and an Oscar The Grouch puppet on my penis

 

The Phillies brought the fucking pain down on the Mets last night; as they defeated New York 16 to 1.  That, my friends, is a baseball ass-raping.  I’m not sure if its Deliverance-style, or Pulp Fiction-style, or Davey Mac-style…but it IS an ass-raping.  You know what?  Just forget about that last style of ass-rape that I listed…heh…it’s…it’s really not something you need to know…uh…HEY LOOK AT OVER THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(runs away)

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Washington Nationals; who have clinched one of the Wild Card spots in the N.L.  It is the first time a baseball team from D.C. has made the postseason since 1933; which “supposedly” is a long time ago.  In fact, 1933 “APPARENTLY” is “ALMOST” 80 years ago.  “REPORTEDLY”, that’s “PRACTICALLY” a century ago, but “ACTUALLY”…it isn’t.  This has been David McDonald for the Non-Helpful-Factoid-By-Someone-Pretending-To-Be-A-Journalist-Editorial.  Good day.

See you homies on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!!  LIVE on The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Peace!!

-Dave (9/21/12)