Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

The Orioles and Yanks are all tied up! In my basement! With a gun pointed at them! (9/7/12)

 

It’s your September Seventh Davey Mac Sports Report and the Orioles smashed six home runs off the Yankees last night, beating New York 10 to 6.  In doing so, the O’s and Yanks are now tied for first place in the American League East.  Well, I’ll be.  Just when you think you know how things are gonna turn out, something like this happens.  Well, someone oughtta put a flute up my assy and start playin’ Yankee Doodle Dandy!  I says, someone shoulda take a hefty softball size a shiat and throw it at my eye, blinding me for life, forcing me to wear an eye patch, and having kids a-call me Captain Shit-Eye.  Well, I says, dagnabbit, someone might as well toss me on a bonfire of old cummy porn magazines, cuz this is the CRAZIEST pennant race I’s a-seen in years!!!!  Yeeeehaaaww!!!

 

A new report says that the New York Jets have the highest average ticket in the NFL (at $117.94).  The Patriots are second at $117.84.  I can understand the New England ticket price as they have tended to win some fucking Super Bowls since 1970!!!  But for cunt’s sake, Jets organization, what the shit is your fucking team’s excuse?!?!  Did you add an extra fifteen bucks for that asshole Fireman Ed and his hideously lame J-E-T-S routine that hasn’t been fun since Vinny Testaverde was the fucking QB?!?!  Or are you charging tons of money for fans to see a bunch of over-hyped assholes act like bigger primadonnas than the combined pussies of Aretha Franlin and Mariah Carey?!?!  OR, are you just a group of greedy cock-suckers with less morals than God-Damned Leatherface?!?!  My guess- ALL OF THE FUCKING ABOVE!!

 

A third-grader in Colorado was sent home from school for wearing a Peyton Manning jersey.  The reason- the number 18 is associated with a gang.  The child returned the next day wearing a Mariano Rivera jersey, but was immediately sent home as the number 42 is associated with Hitler.  The child returned the following day with a Larry Bird jersey but was sent home as the law-makers who made these rules once had 33 heads up their asses.

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Novak Djokovic who has played his way into the U.S. Open semifinals.  Novak, whose nickname is “The Joker”, has been warned not to enter any movie theaters unless he wants to be shot by a S.W.A.T. team.

See you guys on Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius XM Satellite Radio at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Go to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) for the show and whatnot!!  Peace!!

-Dave (9/7/12)