It’s your August Thirteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and the 2012 Summer Olympics have officially concluded. Last night’s stirring Closing Ceremony included performances from such rock and roll icons as One Direction (who the fuck?), George Michael (when did he get out of prison?), and the Spice Girls (???????). Thus, in this journalist’s humble opinion, I ask the question, “London, what THE FUCK were you thinking?!?! Damn, homies!!!!!” I mean, where was Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Roger Waters, Radiohead, etc?! Who the dick are One Direction?!?! I STILL don’t know!!! …But at least you had Eric Idle…I liked that part a lot…it made me so excited that I farted on my dog…
But alas, it was a great Olympics. Usain Bolt won three gold medals. We said goodbye to Michale Phelps. And the American women’s soccer team won the gold and then started fisting each other on the podium while the Star-Spangled Banner played. Or maybe I hallucinated that last one. Hey, don’t blame me…I was smoking a shitload of pot during these God-Damn games to take the edge off!!! It’s a lot of pressure watching Olympic Ping Pong, trust me!!!!
And congrats to the U.S. men’s basketball team that beat Spain yesterday, 107 to 100, and won the gold medal in the process. LeBron James became just the second player ever (along with Michael Jordan) to win the NBA regular season MVP, the NBA Finals, the Finals MVP, and an Olympic gold medal in the same year. Shit…that’s a hell of a few months for LeBron. In that time all I’ve won was a summons from an NYPD officer for accidentally pissing on the Iranian Embassy in mid-town Manhattan. OK, fine, it wasn’t an accident. And, fine, it was shit not piss. And, FINE, it wasn’t the Iranian Embassy, it was a pre-school for blind children but you get the fucking picture!!!!!
Now in other sports news, Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson was arrested for domestic battery over the weekend after he allegedly head-butted his wife. The term “head-butt” is funny to me. I don’t know if the weed is kicking in or what…but can you imagine if someone had an actual butt for a head? And then when they shat it would look like they were throwing up. That’d be one of the benefits of having a butt for a head, I suppose. Shit, this is good pot. Anyway, sources say that after Ochocinco head-butted the girl, he quickly slapped a figure-four leglock on the woman and then turned it into a Camel Clutch. Way to wrestle, Chad!!!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Colts rookie quarterback Andrew Luck, who made his preseason debut with the Colts and looked pretty damned good, throwing a 63-yard touchdown on his very first pass. I think this Luck character is gonna turn out to be a solid QB…even if he does look like Pig Face from The Twilight Zone.
See you tomorrow, Dave Pound!!!!
- Dave (8/13/12)