It’s your August Tenth Davey Mac Sports Report and thank you, Jesus. Thank you for answering my prayers. This God-Damn Dwight Howard saga is done. No more hearing about how Dwight is “all in” with the Orlando Magic, and then how he wants to be traded to the Brooklyn Nets fifteen minutes later, and then how he will stay in Orlando, and then how he wouldn’t mind going to Houston, and how he enjoys vanilla ice cream, but then he prefers chocolate, and upon re-thinking it, he actually likes strawberry, and upon reflection, he hates ice cream altogether and wants to choke out small birds because they give him the creeps, and now that he really thinks about it, he wishes he could build a robot that would do everything for him except cutting his toe nails because he’s into that kind of thing. We have gotten word that Dwight Howard has finally been traded to the Lakers, where he will team up with Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and newly-acquired Steve Nash. Fuck, man. That’s a damned Dream Team if ever there was one. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for ending this historically annoying NBA plot-line. And if you have room enough up there to answer one more prayer, could you get me one of those fancy Dwight Howard Robots that does all that shit? Thanks.
Usain Bolt came in first in the 200-meter sprint yesterday…becoming the only runner in history to win gold medals in the 100m and 200m in back-to-back Olympics. That’s pretty damned amazing. It also marks Bolt as the greatest Jamaican athlete since former Knicks power forward Grace Jones, who not only averaged 12.6 rebounds per game in 1983, but also killed six Celtics in a single quarter with her notorious “Death Pussy.” Congrats, Usain!
Well, it took exactly one quarter in a preseason game for Michael Vick to get injured, slamming his thumb on his center’s helmet. I don’t know how the Eagles are gonna have a “dynasty” (which Vick said they were capable of, earlier in the summer), if their fucking quarterback cannot stay on the God-Damned field!!! Hey Michael Vick, how about stopping it with the high-falutin prognostications already, and begin getting your head out of your ass, and staying healthy for two seconds so that your team can win some fucking football games!!! And no, I’m not gonna bring up the fact that you electrocuted dogs…we’re past that, daddy…but if I found out that you shot cats with bows and arrows then I’m gonna be fucking pissed!!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Pietasters, who I plan on seeing on a boat today in New York City for a Pietasters Booze Cruise. Of course, there also is rain, wind, lightning, and hail in the forecast for this evening…so this will probably be the last time that I speak to you alive. Thus, in the event of my death, I shall ask you to bury me with a sparkler in my ass…you know…for giggles. Good eve.
Have a great weekend!! Join us on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!! LIVE on The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!!! Adios, amigos!!