It’s your August Ninth Davey Mac Sports Report and Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones is pissed off (after finishing fourth in the 100-meter hurdles) that some in the sports media are now coomparing her to Anna Kournikova, aka the “Most-Fuckable-Yet-Unable-To-Win-A-Tournament Tennis Player Of All Time.” I don’t know what Lolo is crying about. If I was compared to Kournikova, I would never stop shoving dildo’s in my hot pussy. Then I’d lick my fingers and squeeze my cold Russian nipples until they looked as fucked up as Mikhail Gorbachev’s head. Then I’d to to where the Berlin Wall used to be, and I would get gang-banged by East and West Germans alike!!! Let’s fuck, comrade!!!!
The U.S. Men’s basketball team beat Australia- 119 to 86. I can never tell the difference between Australia and New Zealand. I know Peter Jackson is from one of them. I love those fucking Hobbit movies so much. This weed is really fucking good. Anyway, if I could be one character in those movies, I’d be either Merry or Pippin…those two fucking Hobbits had it easy…eatin’ all day…shootin’ off fireworks and shit…I’m gettin’ high, dogsie…if I had to finger an animal, I’d choose a water buffalo, just ’cause…I wish my head was a basketball…sometimes I think my farts are just chocolate gusts of wind…I’m hungry now…my dick feels like cottage cheese…trees are fucking weird…I’m too high…
Golf’s fourth and final major of the year, the PGA Championship, begins today. My prediction- Tiger Woods is gonna finally win his first grand slam tournament since all the shit with the Perkins waitress and all those other slut-bags went down. Hey, don’t think I’m excusing Tiger. He’s a slut-bag as well. They’re ALL fucking slut-bags. Tiger, the Perkins waitress, waitresses everywhere, Perkins restaurants in general, food chains all over America, people who make noises when they write, kids who whine when you don’t feed them, cats who drunkenly think they’re dogs, meat balls who come to life…they’re ALL fucking slut-bags.
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the guy who I saw puking yesterday on 44th Street and Eighth Avenue in New York City. The thing that made this man special was that he was smiling while throwing up. Now that’s some happy fucking vomit!!!