Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

Oh, Canada...you fucking choked!!! (8/7/12)

 

It's your August Seventh Davey Mac Sports Report and, in all honesty, I am usually not much of a soccer fan, nor do I generally enjoy women's sports, nor do I bathe Tuesdays through Fridays, and I certainly can't name any of the state capitals, nor do I like seeing babies pee, but yesterday's Olympic semifinal match between the U.S. and Canada was one of the greatest sporting matches of any kind since Randy Savage Vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat in Wrestlemania III.  The only way the game could have been better is if George "The Animal" Steele and his big, retarded, green tongue suddenly bit the head off the Canadian goal-tender.  Canada took a one to nothing lead in the match.  The U.S. came back.  Canada went up 2-1.  U.S. tied it up again!  Canada went up again 3-2.  And the U.S. fucking tied it yet again!!!!  And then the Americans won it in the second overtime period with seconds to spare!!!!!  FUCK!!!  I gotta tell tell you, usually the Dave Man does not get hard for women's soccer...he gets hard for women's hair-pull-parties, or women's socks that they've left behind at the house because they were hanging out with Dave's wife and then Dave takes the socks and smells them and keeps 'em in a box labeled Happy Things...but this soccer match was fucking awesome!!!!  U-S-A!!!!

 

Jets head coach Rex Ryan yelled at his team after his players got into multiple fights at a training camp practice the other day.  Football players getting into pre-season brawls is about as normal as Pat Sajak beating the holy piss out of Vanna White...or Bob Barker shoving Rod Roddy's into a toilet...or Gene Rayburn throwing Brett Sommers off a cliff...hey...shit happens.

 

Meanwhile, Tim Tebow responded to Boomer Esiason's comments that Tebow should be released by the Jets organization.  Tebow said: "I'll pray for Boomer.  I'll pray for his soul.  I'll especially pray that he gets hit by a fucking bus on 42nd Street and that Jets fans cut his head off and put it on a spike in the middle of Times Square for running his fuckin' mouth!!!!  That's what he gets for being a grown man who goes by the child-like name of"Boomer"...the albino cock-sucker!!!!  Amen."

 

Legendary NFL primadonna Terrell Owens has signed a contract with the Seahawks in an attempt to make a comeback.  Upon getting to training camp, Owens said that he will support whoever the quarterback is going to be this season by berating him on the sidelines, doing sit-ups in his driveway, crying while talking on a podium, and generally being a bigger asshole than Fred Hitler (Adolf's older brother who...trust us...was actually a worse person than the Fuhrer).

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Angels' Jered Weaver, who shutout the suddenly hot A's, 4 to nothing.  Weaver is definitely in the Cy Young hunt.  Unlike this guy...who just plain sucks...

See you homies tomorrow!!!

-Dave (8/7/12)