Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

Andy Murray to Roger Federer- “FUCK YOU, SWISS CHEESE!” (8/6/12)

 

It’s your August Sixth Davey Mac Sports Report and Andy Murray captured the gold medal in men’s singles tennis in the Olympics yesterday after beating Roger Federer.  Murray won the gold for Great Britain, though this journalist knows that he is from Scotland…and that it is bullshit when someone calls him “British.”  To me, British means English, and Scottish is Scottish, and I’ll go to my fucking grave believing that!!!  Someone could come and piss in my mouth right now and I ain’t changin’ my fucking mind!!!  Come on!!  Do it!!!!  Piss in my mouth, you fucking chicken!!!!  Yeah!!!  Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhh!!!  That feels goooooooood!!!!  As William “He’s-Scottish-And-Not-British” Wallace said: “Freeeeeeeeedom!!!!”

 

Usain Bolt defended his gold medal in the 100-meter dash to retain his title of “World’s Fastest Man.”  I like Usain Bolt’s celebratory pointing move after he wins a race.  It sorta looks like Hulk Hogan’s “I’m-old-but-I’m-gonna-flex-my-muscles” move.  Except the Hulkster is way sweatier than Usain.  I think we should all thank Usain for not getting oiled up before sprinting.  It would be gross.  And that’s my opinion and nothing’s gonna change it…you could come in here and shit in my mouth and I wouldn’t budge!!  Go ahead, fucker!!!  Shit in my mouth!!!!!  Yeeeaaaaaahhh!!!!

 

In some sad news, Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid’s son Garrett was found dead in his hotel room where the team practices for training camp.  Garrett had struggled in the past with drugs, but the cause of death has not been determined.  This is just tragic.  Even if you don’t like the Eagles…it’s still terrible.  And if you disagree with me, then I dare you to fart and pour poison and throw dynamite down my mouth.  Go ahead, pussy!!!  I fucking DARE you!!!!  Yeeeeehhaaaww!!!!!

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Serena Williams who won TWO Olympic gold medals over the weekend- one for singles and another for doubles.  After her singles victory over Maria Sharapova, Serena celebrated by doing a Crip Walk.  This was a strange choice in dances as her sister was shot and killed…by a fucking Crip!!!!  Hey, Serena, get your fucking head out of your ass!!!!!  Maybe you could have done the twist or the mash potato or something other than the Dance Of Your Sister’s Murderer, you fucking idiot!!!!

See you tomorrow, homies!!!!

-Dave (8/6/12)