Archive of Davey Mac Reports!

Hello, friends and neighbors!  This is the archive for some past phenomenal Davey Mac Reports!    Thanks, homies!

 

Lochte = Choking Pussy (8/3/12)

 

It’s your August Third Davey Mac Sports Report and all I heard before the Olympics was that this Ryan Lochte character is the new Michael Phelps.  And yet, after winning a gold medal in his first race, he has gotten upset and finished out of the top spot for three consecutive races.  Last night, he finished third in the 200m backstroke.  I know what you’re saying: “Davey Mac, let’s see YOU get a bronze medal at the Olympics, you red-haired fucking orangutang cock-sucker!!!!“  Well, first off- just give me a pair of swim trunks, daddy, and you’ll fucking see what the Dave Man can do!!!  I’ll backstroke the FUCK out of the water so hard that I’ll look like a God-Damn red missile that has been fired from a Cold War Russian submarine!!  And secondly…did you really have to call me an orangutang?  It just hurt, is all…

 

Meanwhile, the U.S. Men’s basketball team annihilated the holy fuck out of Nigeria with a 156 to 73 final score.  That’s a win of 83 fucking points!!!!!  And, yes, it took me about an hour and a half to figure that out!!  I first got a point difference of over 200 points, so I thought that seemed wrong.  Then, the second time I tried to do the math, I somehow came up with an answer of “pie and cake and other mathematical desserts.”  And my third solution was simply “NERF.”  Fuck, I suck at math.

 

The new owner of the Browns, Jimmy Haslam, said that he is “fired up” to be “in Cleveland.”  In related news, that is the first time in the history of the fucking world that ANYONE has been “fired up” to be in Cleveland and that includes YOU Drew Carey and you fucking know it, that’s why you live in L.A. now and don’t give me that Price Is Right shit, you could have moved the show to fucking Ohio if you really cared!!!!!!!

 

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Olympics!  Honestly, I’m loving the SHIT out of these games!  Truly!  My dick is hard right now as we fucking speak!!!!

See you guys on Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!  Tune to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Peace!

-Dave (8/3/12)