It’s your July Twentieth Davey Mac Sports Report and, as you can probably tell from that headline, it’s one fuck of a slow sports day!!! Yeeeehhaaaww!! That is why we are starting off with the shockingly unimportant non-news story that Rex Ryan has lost 106 pounds. He went from 348 foot-jobs to 242 foot-jobs and looks quite-
—I’m sorry. Did I say “foot-jobs”? I meant “pounds.” Sorry. Anyway, by dropping over 100 footsies he—
—Shit, I apologize, I did it again. In any event, Rex Ryan has lost so much naked-middle-aged-man-with-a-hard-cock-looking-at-sweaty-feet that he—
—Boy, I really am sorry about all these mix ups! It’s just that I was a little sad about Ryan’s weight loss because I didn’t know what I was gonna to mock him with. But I forgot about those glorious foot fetish videos!! Whew!! Thank Jesus that we still have those to fall back on!!! …Anyway, as an aside, I think that thin Rex Ryan looks a little like Richard Dawson. I don’t know. Maybe I’m a bit drunk. It is Friday after all.
Round 2 of the Open Championship is in progress and right now American Brad Snedeker is in the lead at 10 under par. I always thought that Snedeker looked like an adult, live-action version of Elroy Jetson, who was one of the better cartoon children, if you ask me. Not like Lisa Simpson. Listen. No one loves The Simpsons more than the Dave Man. But if I find out that a particular episode’s main plot-line is going to revolve around Lisa, I go- CLICK- and I turn the channel to something else. Or I go on the internet and browse Smurf porn. That’s my bag…Jesus…slow fucking sports day…
Jeremy Lin was introduced by his new team, the Rockets, yesterday. LINSANITY is now in Houston. Meanwhile, Crazy Eddie in still in bankruptcy. Shit. SLLLOOOW fucking sports day indeed.
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Casey McDonald, my wonderful wife, whose birthday is on Sunday! But since I don’t write Sports Reports on the weekend, I’ll take this time to wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I got you a very special gift, honey…(spoiler alert)…a poster of me with my shirt off!!! Cherish it forever!! Love, Davey Mac!
See you guys Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL, LIVE on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!! Tune to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific for the joy, the lubrication, and the Popsicles!! Adios!!