It’s your July Thirteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and, as we reported yesterday, former FBI director Louis Freeh, assigned to investigate the Jerry Sandusky/Penn State child molestation scandal, says that Joe Paterno, among others, covered up the sex abuse in order to protect the reputation of their university. Fuck, Joe Pa. You were one ruthless son of a bitch. I haven’t seen an Italian-American who was in such great standing take this much of a turn for the worse since Michael Corelone went from war hero to wearing neckerchiefs. Seriously. I don’t care about the countless people Michael killed…to me the real evil shit that he committed was wearing those fucking horrible Imus scarves in Godfather Part III. Hey Michael, unless you’re gonna try to do a morning radio talk show, get rid of the fucking neckerchief already!!!! It’s God-Damn embarrassing, it is!!!
Terrell Owens is reportedly $20,000 late on his child support payments. I say we cut T.O. a break. He’s been a humble, straight-laced, good citizen all these years. Sure, he’s had a misstep here and there. But who hasn’t? I say we look past the time he celebrated on the star in Dallas, or when he tried to kill himself, or the times he has bizarrely broken down and sobbed at press conferences, or that one day he tried to blow up Jeff Garica with TNT, or the week he kidnapped Donovan McNabb and tried to sell him to football-loving Arabs, or the time he took a giant shit and then sculpted it into a pair of head-phones and put them on coach Andy Reid’s head, or the time he grabbed two 49′ers cheer-leaders and forced them to make out at gunpoint, or the game where he went into the crowd after a touchdown and grabbed the little blonde kid with glasses from Jerry Maguire and spiked him so hard in the end zone that his eyes exploded. Terrell Owens…Class Act.
Blake Griffin was injured during Team USA practice and will miss the Olympics. I don’t know about you, but “Blake Griffin” is a very pompous-sounding name. Don’t get me wrong, I like Griffin. But with that name, it feels like he should be doing weird shit with those Skull And Bones freaks from Yale University. I don’t know what they do over there but I heard that it’s some sick shit. I’m probably not even supposed to talk about it. In fact, just disregard this whole paragrpah and—
—what was that?!?! I just heard something!!! Oh shit!!! The lights just went out!!! They’re HERE!!! The fucking Skull And Bones are here and they’re gonna get me ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Well, we had yet ANOTHER day of zero games for the four major sports. I suppose I could give the Davey Mac Player of the Day to the U.S. basketball team for beating the piss out of the Dominican Republic, 113 to 59. But I didn’t watch the game. I was busy jerking off to old episodes of Facts Of Life. Fuck it, I’ll give the Player of the Day to Blair. Nice job, bitch!!!!
See you guys on Saturday for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL!!! LIVE at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, on Sirius 206, XM 105!! Call in at 866-WOW-1-WOW!!! Adios, Davidos!!!!