It’s your July Eleventh Davey Mac Sports Report and the National League beat the American League, eight to fucking nothing, last night in the All-Star Game. Former Yankee and now San Francisco Giant Melky Cabrera won the game’s MVP award. Nice move, Brian Cashman (Yankees GM), by trading Melky away. Who did you get in return? Oh, that’s right- Javier “I Am The World’s Worst Pitcher And I Want NO Part Of New York City” Fucking Vazquez!!! Nice fucking trade, Cashman, you weasel-looking son of a bitch!!! Seriously- Cashman literally looks like a God-Damn weasel!!! And I don’t mean it in a Bobby “The Brain” Heenan kind of way!!! I mean that Cashman looks like that shitty animal!!! FUCK!!!!

The world’s friendliest basketball player, Jeremy Lin, is reportedly angry at the Knicks for not yet offering him a contract as lucrative as the one the Rockets offered. Shiiiiiiit. You hear that, Knicks?! You’ve gotten Linsanity pissed!!! That’s like getting fucking Gandhi ticked off!!! That’s like having Martin Luther King want to punch you in the dick!!! Shit, that’s like Jesus Christ himself taking a fucking baseball bat to your God-Damn testicles!!! Well, you been powned, Knicks!!! You been POWNED!!!!

Sources are saying that Drew Brees may hold out of training camp if he does not get the contract he’s looking for. Listen, Saints organization, give this mole-faced freak the money he deserves. Pre-Drew Brees New Orleans had fans wearing bags over their heads and people getting raped in the Superdome. Post-Drew Brees NOLA has fans without the bags and people still getting raped in the Superdome. If you care at all about New Orleans, Saints, give your best citizen the fucking money!! And while you’re at it, give you second best citizen, Ms. Anne Rice, a sandwich already!!! She’s looking fucking gaunt!!!

The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the guy who invented Gatorade. I don’t know his name. I think he was at the University of Florida. But I’m as hung-over as a banshee and this damned Gatorade is helping me out. Now, if I only had another Davey Mac Player of the Day award to give to the guy who invented Slim Jims and my life would be perfect.