It’s your July Fifth Davey Mac Sports Report and the Lakers have just gotten a hell of a lot better by signing two-time MVP Steve Nash. This puts L.A. back as one of the teams to beat in the NBA. In an unrelated author’s opinion, Nash really needs to cut that hair of his. Listen, I’m not saying the guy needs to look like a fucking Marine over here…but every time he has to push his hair behind his ears like he’s that fucking douchey freshman in Dazed and Confused, I wince as if someone just karate chopped my asshole. And in a double unrelated author’s opinion…have you ever noticed how many times that kid from Dazed and Confused touches his nose? It’s fucking out of control. Watch the movie as soon as you’re done reading this and you’ll see that bad-acting fart-face to touch his nose twenty fucking times!! It’ll drive you nuts, I promise you. It’s God-Damn distracting it is!!!!! I recently watched the DVD extra’s of that movie, and they had a “Where Are They Now?” feature, and apparently where that kid is now is FAT. He’s a big pork-chop. He probably couldn’t get any more acting gigs…that’s what he gets for doing such a shitty job, the fucking nose-toucher!!!
Meanwhile the Rockets have offered Jeremy Lin a deal worth close to $30 million and insiders are saying that it’ll be difficult for the Knicks to re-sign Lin at that price. If the Knicks can’t get Linsanity back, they’re gonna be fucked. Not literally, of course. That would be weird. Having someone fuck an entire basketball team would probably not even be possible…unless you’re porn star Jasmin St. Claire…or “Queen of the Gang Bang” Blanche Devereaux. That old whore sure did get around. I guess that’s what you do in Miami if you’re not Cuban, you just become elderly and get your fuck on…not a bad life, when you think about it.
The Devils received bad news as their captain, Zach Parise, flew the coop and surprisingly signed with the Minnesota Wild. As a Devils fan myself, I would like to walk up to Parise (hopefully in a large ballroom) and say: “I know it was you, Parise…you broke my heart! You broke my heart!!!“ Then I would kiss Parise on the mouth, indicating that while I was close to him once, he is now dead to me. Then I would fly back to my house in Lake Tahoe and yell at my wife.
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to Andy Murray of Great Britain who has advanced to the Wimbledon semifinals for the fourth straight year. Unfortunately, he has yet to win the championship. And I don’t see him winning this year. Not unless Novak Djokovic or Roger Federer get into some kind of weird helicopter accident where, while sight-seeing over London together, their chopper crashes into the Thames River and their dicks fall off. But let’s face it…if THAT happened, it would be a MUCH bigger story than some British guy winning a tennis tournament. Face.
We’ll see you THIS EVENING at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific for the Davey Mac Sports Program- LIVE on Ustream! Peace!!