It’s your July Second Davey Mac Sports Report and Tiger Woods won his 74th career professional golf tournament yesterday; moving him past Jack Nicklaus for second place all-time (Sam Snead is number one with 82). That’s a shitload of wins. I don’t think I could match that number with anything that I’ve ever done in life. Let me see…I guess I have been naked in front of animals around eighty times…so that’s one thing. And I’m pretty sure I’ve farted in a funeral home 95, 96 different times. So that’s another. Oh, and I’ve spanked it to the yearbook photo of my seventh grade math teacher, Miss Banks, around 2,345,862 times. So I have that in the record books…I guess I’m a more accomplished person than I thought!! Yay!!!!
Josh Hamilton has received more than 11 million votes for the 2012 A.L. All Star team, the most votes ever given to one player. We have an official statistical breakdown of the voting and found that:
* 2 million people who voted for Hamilton like crack
* 1.3 million prefer Meth
* 4 million enjoy being drunk in bathrooms
* and the rest have bad tattoos on their arms while they annually and drunkenly let sorority girls do body shots off their chests and then inevitably apologize 24 hours later, claiming to be born-again Christians until they do the exact same thing in downtown Dallas a year later. Congrats, Josh!!
Sources say that Dwight Howard has demanded to be traded to the Brooklyn Nets. Please let this deal be done already. I haven’t been so sick of a sports story since we found out that Phil Simms routinely flies to a Slovak city where he tortures NFL sideline reporters in some sick warehouse. Enough already!!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Spain soccer team for kicking the shit out of Italy, 4 to nothing, and winning the Euro Cup. This is the third major title for Spain and honestly I can’t fake it anymore, I find this sport boring. So here’s a gif of Homer Simpson dancing on some very small hills.
See you tomorrow, Dave Pound!!! Adios!!
-Dave (7/2/12)