It’s your June Twenty-Ninth Davey Mac Sports Report and Kentucky’s Anthony Davis has gone number one in the NBA Draft. Earlier this week, Davis copyrighted the phrases “Fear the Brow” and “Raise the Brow.” No offense, Anthony, but if I had a freakish, frightening physical characteristic, I wouldn’t be celebrating it like I was Marilyn Monroe showing off her snatch over a New York City subway grate. Afterall, I don’t see Drew Brees copyrighting “Feed the Mole” or “Stroke my mole” or some shit like that. And I never saw Rocky Dennis copyrighting “Suck my huge fucking monster head!” Get it together, Anthony!!! Shit!!!
Derek Jeter has tied Cal Ripken Jr. for 13th on the all-time hits list. Besides having the same amount of career hits, there are surprisingly few similarities between Ripken and Jeter. Jeter has gone out with numerous Hollywood actresses and singers, has a pent-house in New York, and has made hundreds of millions of dollars playing for the preeminent team in professional sports. Ripken, on the other hand, is bald and has creepy Alaskan Husky eyes. Seriously, Cal, what’s with the fucking wolf-dog eyes?!?! Are they even real?!?! They look like those sinister contacts that the villain from Last Action Hero wore, for shit’s sake!! I know that you were a great player, Cal, but wear some God-Damn sunglasses to cover those things!!! They’re freakin’ me out!!!!
—BREAKING NEWS— Rafael Nadal has been upset at Wimbledon by some shmizbo named Lukas Rosol who is ranked one-hundredth in the world! John MacEnroe is already calling it “the biggest upset in tennis history.” MacEnroe must have forgotten about the time former champion Richie Tenenbaum had a meltdown against Gandhi and lost the match in devastating manner. It’s one thing to stop competing and serving up soft shots, Richie, but it’s another thing to take off your God-Damn shoes on the court!!! For shame!!!!
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to, for the second straight day, a Giants’ pitcher for throwing another shutout. This time it was Madison Bumgarner. That makes it the fourth consecutive shutout that San Fran pitching has thrown. Shit!! That’s a lot of deja vu!!! It’s like fucking Groundhog Day over here!!! I hope that doesn’t mean that I will drunkenly shit myself for a fourth straight day…I’m running out of underwear!!!!
See you guys on Saturday at 7 PM Eastern (4 Pacific) on Sirius Xm Satellite Radio for the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105)!!! Call in at 866-WOW-1-WOW!!! Peace, dogsies!!
-Dave (6/29/12)