Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Jan. 2)

  We're BACK from vacation!!  Did you miss us?!

a.) Fuck yes, Davey Mac!!  I had no one to shoot in the ass with my Christmas cross-bow while all hopped up on acid!! (26%)

b.) Being bereft of human emotions, David, I can honestly say I did not miss you.  I did miss, however, calling my dog Scuffy's veterinarian's house on New Year's Eve to inform him that I plan on shoving needles into his dick-hole if he can't bring Scuffy back to life. (24%)

c.) I missed the SHIT out of you, Dave Man!!  I had no one to bail me out of jail after I was busted for lighting a cow on fire!!  And for all of you animal lovers out there...relax!!  She was already dead!!  Someone had shot her with some sort of cross-bow!! (27%)

d.) I just hope 2013 will be better than 2012- aka "The Year Where I Starting Shitting Out Of My Ears Due To A Very Rare And Gross Disease." (23%)

The Davey Mac Sports Program IS LIVE this Saturday (12/29) on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!! Fuck it thrice!!

 

Oh yeah, daddy!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program XL is LIVE on Sirius XM Satellite Radio on Saturday (12/29/12) and it's gonna be more fuck-able than a hot, slutty monkey that's dressed up in prostitute's clothing!  Tune in to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!!  And by the way, we'll have special guest and musical genius Roy Shaffer (pictured getting dry-humped by David above) with us!!!  Roy's magical keyboard will make elves and unicorns join hands/paws and sing and dance and fuck and suck!!!  We'll see you Saturday!!!

Listen to the Davey Mac Christmas Spectacular on Sirius XM Satellite Radio! In the On Demand section!

 

Hey homies!!  Check out the Davey Mac Sports Program XL Christmas Special on Sirius XM Satellite Radio in the ON DEMAND section!!  It's got Christmas songs that we butcher!  Christmas elves that we piss on!!  Christmas jizz that we gargle!!  Christmas Santa who we kidnap!!  Christmas ransom that we demand!!  Christmas arrests from the Christmas police that put us into Christmas prison!!  So join East Side Dave, Pepper, and special guests Roy Shaffer & Sean O get all Christmas fucked-up on cheap, Christmas wine!!  It's the Davey Mac Sports Program XL Christmas Special on Sirius XM Satellite Radio in the ON DEMAND section!!  Merry Christmas!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 24)

 

It's Christmas Eve!!  How excited are you?!?!

a.) I'm so excited, Dave Man, I could just take out my shotgun and start shooting out the tires of my neighbor's noisy pick-up truck as a kind of "Christmas Fuck You" to the son of a bitch!!  You hear me, Al?!  Say goodbye to that shitty Chevy of yours!!!  Hahahaha!! (26%)

b.) I don't really care for Christmas, David.  I prefer a different holiday- the Annual Shove A Phillips Head Screwdriver Into Your Own Dick-Hole Day. (25%)

c.) I LOVE Christmas, Davey Mac!!  I can't wait to unwrap my presents!!  I hope I get what I want this year: 17 battery-powered dildos that can also shoot lasers at small animals!! (24%)

d.) I just hope I don't get arrested again on Christmas for strangling an elf at the mall. (25%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 21)

  Well, according to the Mayans, the world is going to explode any second now.  How did you spend your final hours on Earth?

a.) I thanked God for a wonderful life shortly before chopping my dick off (just to see what it would feel like)!!!  PLEASE come, comet!!! (25%)

b.) I did what I always do on Thursday, David- I masturbated into a tea cup and then drank it. (24%)

c.) I watched the sunrise...all fucked up on opium, whip-its, ether, and a little home-made poison!  Oh, and I fucked a cactus!! (25%)

d.) I kissed my dog on the head just to make my cat jealous. (26%)

Dave, Pepper, and special guests Roy Shaffer & Sean O on Sirius XM!! Saturday!! It's a Davey Mac Christmas Drunk Fest! And YOU are invited!

 

Hi, homies and homettes!  We have some new material for you this Saturday on the Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  It's the Davey Mac Sports Program Christmas And Other Random Holidays Spectacular!!  Listen to David, Pepper, Roy Shaffer & Sean O go fucking NUTS with Christmas cheer!!  Expect two to five reindeer to be sacrificed!!  Expect Santa Claus to be taken hostage!!  Expect Christmas trees to fucking EXLODE!!!  Join us!!  Saturday!!  On The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for a Jizztastic Christmas!!!  Peace on fucking earth, people!!  See you Saturday!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 20)

  We're 24 hours away from the Mayan prophecy of the end of the world.  How are you gonna spend your final day on earth?

a.) I'm gonna do so much LSD that I'll probably end up cutting off my legs and eating them!!!  Shit!!  The acid's kicking in!!  Where's my fucking saw?!?! (24%)

b.) I am not going to do anything special, David.  I'll probably just stick with my normal routine of luring my neighbor's cats into my garage where I'll have my home-made Cat Explosion Machine detonate the piss out of them. (25%)

c.) I'm gonna get drunk and try to make out with my mom, Davey Mac!!  Yeeehaaaw!! (25%)

d.) Three simple words, Dave: suck and fuck!!  Suck and fuck!!  Suck and fuck!! (26%)

It's a Davey Mac Christmas Spectacular! NOW available online! PLUS we have a very special Dave announcement!!

 

OK, first off, let's tell you the special announcement-  The Davey Mac Sports Program, the number one independent sports & comedy show on the Internet, has officially been recognized by iTunes as among the BEST SHOWS of 2012!!  We were chosen (without submitting anything or even knowing about it) by the iTunes Editorial Team and an elite panel from Apple as one of the BEST SHOWS in the fucking world!!!  It's an amazing honor that we are very grateful for and proud of!!  If you have iTunes- check out this link- www.iTunes.com/iTunesBestOf2012/podcasts (If you don't have iTunes, just stare at the photos above and below, because that's what you would see anyway).

So in light of our awesomeness, why don't you check out this week's brand new episode (our final online show of the year...though we WILL be doing our Sirius XM programs as scheduled)!!  Our NEW show, The Davey Mac Sports Program Christmas And Other Random Holidays Spectacular, is NOW available on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  Listen to Dave, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer fuck the shit out of the holiday season with Christmas music, drunkenness, horrible gifts, and MORE!!  It's a good one!!  Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes now to download and subscribe to the show that is the BEST OF 2012!!  And Happy Holidays!!!

It's a Davey Mac Christmas Miracle!! LIVE tonight on Ustream!! Join us!!

 

Ha! Ha! Ha! Merry Christmas, everyone!!!  (I'm not allowed to say "Ho, ho, ho" under another court order from Santa Claus for copyright infringement. The FIRST court order he gave me said that I was not allowed within 100 feet of the North Pole because of a situation I had with one of his elves.)  Anyway, join Dave, Pepper, Sean O & Roy Shaffer for the Davey Mac Sports Program Christmas And Other Random Holidays Spectacular!!  LIVE!!  THIS EVENING on USTREAM!!  7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  We're gonna have fun!!  We're gonna get drunk!!  Then we'll argue!!  Then we'll exchange presents...making our moods happier!!  But upon opening the gifts, our moods will become horrible once we see the shitty gifts we bought each other!!  So join us for the Davey Mac Sports Program Christmas And Other Random Holidays Spectacular!!  LIVE!!  THIS EVENING on USTREAM!!  7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Ha!  Ha!  Ha!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 19)

  Who's your favorite member of the legendary comedy troupe, Monty Python? (pictured below)

a.) John Cleese (17%)

b.) Eric Idle (16%)

c.) Michael Palin (15%)

d.) Terry Jones (16%)

e.) Terry Dennis (20%)

f.) Terry the Hutt (16%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 18)

  One week until Christmas!  Are you excited?!

a.) Fuck YEAH, Dave Man!!  But it's got nothing to do with Christmas!!  It's got more to do with the fact that I just stuck three red, hot peppers in my dick-hole!!  Yeeeeooooowww!!! (24%)

b.) I don't get very excited for anything, David...not since I decided to open my head up with a can-opener and put push-pins on my brain for Halloween. (22%)

c.) I LOVE Christmas, Davey Mac!!  The tree, the cheer, the eggnog, the drunken fights with Santa at my nearby mall which result in me trying to choke him out with a Chick-fil-A sandwich that I shove down his throat while I take a Spencer's Gifts novelty t-shirt with the other hand and wrap it around his fucking neck and all I wanted was to sit on your fucking lap, Santa!!! (28%)

d.) If I get a candy cane shoved in my ass while I'm sleeping again...I'm gonna be pissed... (26%)

This past Saturday's Dave Mac Sports Program XL available soon on Sirius XM On Demand!

  Fuck yeah, babies!!  Davey Mac and Pepper killed it this past Saturday on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!  If you missed it, fear not!!  The show will be available later today in the Sirius XM On Demand section!!!  Check it out!!  The guys talk about the epic Thursday night they had where they got drunk at the Sirius XM Christmas Party, then got even drunker at the Writer's Guild Party, then got DRUNKEST at the Dropkick Murphys show!!!  We also discuss racist puppets, bad people, things that haunt us, Christmas Fever, and more!!  Join Davey Mac and Pepper on Sirius XM On Demand for a great show!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 17)

  I went to the Dropkick Murphys show this past Thursday and they ROCKED!!  What is your favorite punk band?

a.) The Ramones (22%)

b.) The Clash (18%)

c.) Eddie Farts & The Gassies (21%)

d.) The DRUNK Monkees (19%)

e.) Johnny Jaundice & The Cum Crew (20%)

This week's FUCKTACULAR Davey Mac Show is NOW available on RiotCast.com and iTunes!!

 

Oh, yeah, honey-buttons!!  A brand new, kick-ass, slut-pig episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program is NOW available (for free) on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  Check it out!!  Dave tells a warm Christmas tale about his new reliance on pain medication!!  The guys argue and threaten to stab each other in the dick-holes!!  Dave questions Roy Shaffer's manhood- violence ensues!!  Magic Johnson is discussed but I'm on so much pain medication I don't remember what was said!!  We talk about Manny Pacquiao but, again, who fucking knows what came out of our mouths!!!  Anyway, it's a good one!!  Enjoy it!!  Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  Download!  Subscribe!!  Take your pants off and send me a pic!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 13)

  The 12-12-12 Benefit Concert was last night and it kicked ass!!  Who was your favorite?

a.) Bruce Springsteen (18%)

b.) The Rolling Stones (18%)

c.) Eddie Vedder & Roger Waters (17%)

d.) Silver Dick-Hole (16%)

e.) The Sheila Fartz Band (14%)

f.) Petey Cum & The Bunty Boys (17%)

The Davey Mac Sports Program will be on Ustream TONIGHT! UNLESS I get a 12-12-12 ticket! Then, FUCK IT!!

 

Heads up, homies!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is SCHEDULED to be LIVE tonight on USTREAM!!  7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  That is, of course, unless a 12-12-12 Benefit Concert ticket miraculously drops into my lap.  If I SHOULD get a ticket, we shall postpone the show until Thursday!!  But let's be honest, the odds of that happening are about as slim as Andy Dick acting like a sober, heterosexual man.  I have about as much of a chance of turning my jizz into ketchup as I do of getting a ticket to the show.  And trust me, I've TRIED to turn my jizz into ketchup by ways of masturbation, tomatoes, black magic, and pornographic voodoo dolls...but I just can't fucking do it!!  So, barring that musical miracle, tune in at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, to USTREAM!!  And check my TWITTER and/or FACEBOOK accounts to confirm!!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 12)

  Tonight is the 12-12-12 Benefit Concert!  Performing: Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, The Who, Eddie Vedder, Roger Waters, AND MORE!!  Do any of you guys have an extra ticket?!?!

a.) If I did, I sure as shit wouldn't give it to YOU, Dave Man!!  I'd rather fuck your ass with a Twizzler and eat it!!  And I'm not sure who that would be punishing...ME or YOU!! #DrunkAgain (24%)

b.) That list of artists did NOT include Morrissey or The Fuck Town Boys...thus I am NOT interested, David. (21%)

c.) I got a ticket for you, Davey Mac!!  All you just have to do is help me jerk off my dead Uncle Clifford! (35%)

d.) Don't ask me, Dave, I HATE concerts.  I much putting a live snake in my dick-hole. (20%)

Gif Battle! The Shining Vs. The Shinning

(I could drink some beer and watch these all day...)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 11)

  My head keeps getting flashing pain on the right temple.  It feels like someone is punching me on the side of the face.  What is going?

a.) You probably feel that way because I AM punching you in the head, Dave Man!!!  You still owe me thirty-five dollars for betting me that the ending to Super Mario Brothers 2 resulted in them having sex!  You lied!!!

b.) It's probably stress, David.  You should do what I do when I need to relax- I find the nearest old age home and kick the first two residents I see in the dick.

c.) My head hurts, TOO, Davey Mac!!  Maybe I should stop huffing pesticides while drinking rubbing alcohol!!  Whooaaaa!!

d.) Hopefully you don't have what my pet rabbit, Plucky, had- Exploding Head Disease.

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Dec. 10)

Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? a.) Fuck no, Davey Mac!!  I'm still in the county jail after I went to the local mall, sat on Santa's lap, and shit on it while under the influence of LSD!!  Wowee zowee! (24%)

b.) I do all my Christmas shopping online, David.  So far I've gone to Amazon.com and bought my usual stocking-stuffers of black dildos, shotgun shells, and Animal Fucker magazine. (25%)

c.) I'm not allowed outside, Dave Man, ever since I shot and killed Rudolph and hung him on my wall!!  At least...I thought it was Rudolph!  It actually turned out to be my Uncle Gary!!  Whoops! (25%)

d.) I love Christmas shopping!!  It's a great time to get out of the house and think of others!!  Plus, you can use shopping as an alibi when you detonate an explosive under your asshole-neighbor's house and blow him the fuck up!!! (26%)