Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 5)

  Do you want to be friends with me?

a.) SURE, Dave Man!  But first I have to bury my sister alive for breaking my X-Box!!  Bitch!!! (25%)

b.) I don't have any time for friendship, David...I'm focused solely on my career.  I work as Sicky the Sexy Clown, and I'm trying to perfect my routine of juggling dildo's and pocket vagina'a.  Sorry! (26%)

c.) I'd like to be friends with you, Dave, but my mom just chopped off my dick...again... (24%)

d.) Yes, Davey Mac!!!  Let's be friends!!  And then we can go places and watch movies and tickle each other and fart on each other's heads and kill animals together and burn down buildings and blow up my ex-wife's house and scalp my ex-wife and throw my ex-wife into a shark tank to be eaten!!!  Yeeeehhaaaww!! (25%)

A new episode of the Davey Mac show (aka the best fucking show in the world) is up NOW! Listen to it!

  This week's sizzling HOT Davey Mac Sports Program is up and available and on FIRE, dog!!!  Just go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for an episode so fantastic that Todd Bridges proudly stated, "I'm GLAD Gary Coleman is dead!!  You hear that, Gary?!  I'm GLAD you're dead!!"  Davey Mac, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer talk about the finer things in life- Playoff Baseball, having the flu, slapping a horse in the face, upside down dicks, bread and butter, and MORE!!!  It's a show so good that Joe Di Maggio Jr. exclaimed- "The Davey Mac Sports Program is so much fun that it killed me!!!  Yes!!!  It was the Davey Mac Sports Program!!!  NOT the heroin!!  I repeat!!  NOT the heroin!!"  So head to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the FREE download of the best show in the world!!  Peace!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 4)

  What did you think of the Presidential Debate last night?

a.) I didn't watch it.  Horny Alien-Whores Disguised As Robot-Housewife-Slut-Bags On A Deserted Bang Island was on Cinemax 3. (25%)

b.) I thought Obama went over the line when he came out dressed in black-face...huh?...WHAT???  Obama's black?!?!  Get outta town!!! (24%)

  c.) It would have been so much cooler if Mitt Romney had a chainsaw for an arm.  And then Romney could try to retrieve the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis...but make sure you say the RIGHT words, Romney!! Klaatu verata nicto!!  Repeat those words, Romney, repeat them!! (26%)

  d.) I didn't view it last night as I was busy sucking my dog's dick. (25%)

 

Episode THREE of the The Watchers (featuring Dave, Pepper, Sean and Roy) is NOW UP on iTunes! Fuck it!

  A new, kick-ass episode of The Watchers is up and ready to get fucked on iTunes!!  Download the shit for free and smoke some pot and drink some booze and rent an air balloon and grab some puppets and hire a couple of dwarves and have a good, fucking time!!

What is The Watchers?  A new Davey Mac & Friends podcast dedicated entirely to movies, movies, and movies!!  You'll smell the fucking popcorn, baby!!  But don't eat it!!  You don't know where it's been!!

How much money is the download?  It's for fucking FREE, honey-do!!  I said that already!!  Pay attention!!

Why are these questions in italics?  How the shit should I know?!  YOU'RE the one asking them, tummy-tuck!!!

So go iTunes for The Watchers!  NEW EPISODE!  Arrivederci, baby!!

Davey Mac and the Boys From Hell are LIVE tonight at 7 PM Eastern! Be there!

  FUCKING 'A, daddy-legs!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is LIVE this evening at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  WATCH the show LIVE!!  Listen to the show LIVE!!  Jerk off to the show LIVE!!  Tickle the show LIVE!!  LIVE the show LIVE!!  Join Davey Mac- Friend Of Animals, Pepper- Chocolate Thunder, Sean O- The Meat Man, and Roy Shaffer- Electric Jizz.  We'll discuss the baseball pennant races, Tony Romy sucko, the Presidential debate, archery, living with midgets, and MORE!!  Join us at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 3)

  I can't believe it's already October Third!  Can you?

a.) Being that I have a calendar on my phone, watch, car, television, computer, office, refrigerator, under-sized dildo, fake vomit, dead donkey...YES!!!  I CAN fucking believe the damned date, Dave Man, get your head out of your ass!!! (23%)

b.) Fuck that!!  I can't believe that no one has found out yet that I once jerked off on Estelle Getty's laptop!!! (26%)

c.) I am always amazed at how quickly time goes by, too, David.  I also am amazed that ants can carry weight 100 times heavier than their bodies and that Lou Ferrigno's cum is NOT green. (24%)

d.) I can believe that it's October 3rd, Davey Mac!!  I CAN'T believe that I just glued my dog to my head to make the world's first "Bark Hat"!!! (27%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 2)

  What was your favorite old school Nintendo game?

a.) Super Mario Brothers (20%)

b.) Paperboy (16%)

c.) Fart Time! (21%)

d.) Homeless Mario Brothers (23%)

e.) Blowjob Town! (20%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Oct. 1)

  It's officially Halloween season!  Are you excited?!

a.) Fuck yeah, Dave Man!!!  I'm building some AWESOME real-life booby traps in front of my house for the 31st!!  The amount of beheaded and/or de-limbed children is gonna be INSANE!!!  Here's a hint, kids, stay away from the fucking doorbell!!!  Hahahaha!!! (26%)

b.) I've hated Halloween ever since I went to Option A's house four years ago and got my arms cut off.  Now how am I gonna eat bite-sized Snickers with no arms?!?! (24%)

c.) I can't wait for Halloween, Davey Mac!  I'm thinking of dressing up as a guy who likes to jerk off in pet shops.  Basically, I'll just be wearing my own clothes.  I probably won't shower, either...trick or treat!!!!!!!! (26%)

d.) I'm gonna scare people by shooting them in the ass from my attic window with my rifle!!!!  Happy Halloween- BAM!!!! (24%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 28)

  The Feds think they may have a lead on where Jimmy Hoffa's body is (in suburban Detroit).  What do YOU think happened to him?

a.) I believe the Giants Stadium thing.  Not so much that he is buried underneath it...but that he became a black linebacker for the team to hide from the Mafia and tallied ten sacks in 1976! (25%)

b.) I've always suspected what most people suspect- that Jimmy Hoffa was abducted by my grandmother, who has kept Hoffa captive in her attic while she ties him down to a chair and feeds him carrot cake every two days. (24%)

c.) I don't know what happened to Hoffa and I don't care!!  My dick just fell off!!! (25%)

d.) Well, according to the movie, Hoffa was blown up in the Death Star.  Hold on.  Wait.  Yeah, I'm thinking of Return of the Jedi...nevermind. (26%)

Davey Mac and the Pepper Boy! LIVE on Sirius XM on Saturday! Join us for giggles and shit!

  Well, gosh-golly, furry-friends!!!  It's another glorious episode of the Davey Mac Sports Program XL - Saturday - on Sirius XM Satellite Radio!!!  To listen to the show LIVE, tune to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!  Call in at 866-WOW-1-WOW!!!  It's gonna be heavier than Heavy D!!  It's gonna be sweatier than Sweaty F!!!  It's gonna be jizzier than Jizzy H!!!  Topics for the show include:

* Peanuts- why you don't need to put them in your dog's butt every Christmas Eve

* Actress Reese Witherspoon stops by!  No!  We're just fucking around!

* But we DO see who can hit themselves hardest with a spoon on the dick!

* Dr. Maury Pillpee talks about his new show on the WB- Dr. Maury Wants To Have Sex With Teenagers

* Heralded, horror, short story writer Philip DeChippo discusses his new frightening tale- Little Teddy's Ghost Looks Like Powdered Jizz

* Pencil shavings- put them on a sundae if you want to...but we're telling you...sprinkles taste better

* Comedian Dougie Funkles does his famous and hysterical routine- "I'm seriously considering killing my wife and throwing her body in the river and telling the authorities that a black man kidnapped her."

See you guys on Saturday!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 27)

  What Animal would win in a Battle To The Death?

a.) Animal from The Muppets (29%)

b.) The Animal Rob Schneider (6%)

c.) Animal Lector (17%)

d.) George "The Animal" Steele (18%)

e.) Davey "Animal" Mac (30%)

A special (not in a retarded way) & NEW episode of the Davey Mac show (in a retarded way) is NOW available!

  Come on, daddy-peach!!  Grab this week's Davey Mac Sports Program (online) like the slippery dick it is and try to hold on to it for seven minutes!!!  Go ahead!!  I bet you can't do it!!!  Oooh!!  Ooohh, you got a hold of that dick (meaning SHOW), didn't you?!  Well, good for you, pal, your a loyal dickener (meaning listener)!!!  Grab the dick (SHOW) from RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  It's for free!!!  It's fun!!!  And it's throbbing real hard (meaning dick, NOT the show)!!!  Dave, Pepper, Sean O, and Roy Shaffer tackle the Replacement Refs controversy, we perform one of the greatest songs ever written, we kill two janitors, and MUCH more fun!!  Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes for the hijinks!!!  Peace!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 26)

  What the Hell is going on?!?!

a.) YOU tell me, Dave Man!!!  I found a pair of slippers with the initials D.M. in my wife's car!!!  And they were filled with jizz!!!! (27%)

b.) I don't know what's going on!!!!  Someone hit me over the head and now I think I'm Alex from Taxi!!!!  Latka, put that down!!!  Louie, you're a real jerk!!!  Elaine, shut the fuck up!!!!  HELP!!!!!!!! (24%)

c.) Ahhhhhh!!!!  There's things crawling all over my ass!!!  Ahhhh!!!  I think it's my uncle's fingers again!!!  Ahhhhhh!!!! (23%)

d.) We gotta get outta here!!!  I just panicked and put my pet parrot in the microwave!!!  Specifically on DEFROST for 1:30!!!  Then I put him on HIGH for 2:00!!!  Then I made a nice little salsa dish and dipped him in it while I watched a My So-Called Life marathon on MTV2!!!   It's Armageddon I tells ya!!! (26%)

The Dave Man and his Loyal Mother-Fuckers are LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern on Ustream!! And YOU are invited!!

  Shit yes, baby-grapes!!!  The Davey Mac Sports Program is gonna bring the saliva and spittle HARD tonight at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific on Ustream and/or RiotCast.com!!!  Davey Mac will be in the house!  David is a well-known pornography addict and dreams of one day killing someone on an island.  Chris "Pepper" Stanley shall be there!  Pepper likes to snort things and often hides objects under his couch.  Sean O will make an appearance!  Sean enjoys para-sailing while intoxicated and once threatened a monk.  And Roy Shaffer is gonna rock it!  Roy is a gifted keyboard player and once called Haley Joel Osment a "little cunt."  So bring your ass to Ustream and/or RiotCast.com at 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific, for a show so great that "eight horses have died since the beginning of this paragraph!!!" *

* Fake Facts Bureau

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 25)

  What does the future hold for Davey Mac?

a.) My prediction is a seven to ten year stint at East Jersey State Prison!!  On the bright side, you'll get a special bonus of twenty man-rapes a year!! (24%)

b.) I foresee the Dave Man as the host of a new game show-  How Many Midgets Will It Take?  To build a Midget Bridge over the Hudson River, my guess is 83,000 midgets, Dave Man!!!!! (25%)

c.) I think David will go into politics...and then leave politics in disgrace when a sex scandal surfaces involving David, candle wax, two dildos, and a monkey. (25%)

d.) Dave will WIN the Academy Award!!  For Best Supporting Dick-Hole!!! (26%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 24)

  How was your weekend?

a.) It sucked.  I got locked in a freezer with Mr. Furley...who is one ANNOYING little son of a bitch!!!  I honestly thought about eating him.  It's true, I did.  I thought to myself, "I'm gonna take this can of peas and crush Mr. Furley's fucking skull with it and then eat the little fucker alive."  But at the moment, Felipe the cook arrived to let us out.  Signed, Jack Tripper (26%)

b.) Horrible weekend!  I drunkenly coaxed Richie to sign up for Vietnam and I heard he got blown up over there by Charlie!!!  Fuck!!  Signed, The Fonz (25%)

c.) It...it wasn't good, David...I...something happened...well...I think someone pooped in my shoes...or...I...I don't know...  Signed, Bob Newhart (24%)

  d.) I got gang-fucked by the ENTIRE newsroom while I was passed out on cough medicine so I guess it wasn't so fucking great, was it, genius!!!!!!  Signed, Mary Tyler Moore (25%)

Davey Mac will KILL it LIVE this Saturday on Sirius XM at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific!!!

  'Tis true, friends.  "East Side" Dave McDonald and Chris "Pepper" Stanley are gonna CRUSH the shit out of Sirius XM Satellite Radio with the Davey Mac Sports Program XL on Saturday and we want YOU to join us!!  Tune in to The Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206, XM 105) at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific for the show that is so good, Al Pacino once said, "The Davey Mac show is the most spell-binding experience I've ever experienced!  ...There.  I said it.  Now will you stop pointing the gun at me, David?  Please...I...I have twins..."  Topics for the program include:

* Cannibals or cannon balls?  Which one would you rather have hit your ass?

* World famous carpenter, Hank Chucktank, discusses his hit home improvement show, I'm Gonna Shoot My Wife In The Head With A Staple Gun

* Radio doctor, Lisa Lottinger, dispenses sound advice from her new self-help book- Drinking, Facelifts, Anal Sex, and 17 other things I do every Sunday to stay somewhat sane

* Fingernails- why biting them is better than biting your Uncle Buddy's ear off...even if he IS passed out on the couch

* And A-List actor, Jake Bupple, talks about his new Oscar-buzzed-about movie- Who Farted?

See you guys Saturday on Sirius XM!!!!

Poll-verizing! (Dave poll of the Day- Sept. 21)

  I'm going to see Bruce tonight at Giants Stadium!!  (Yeah, I know...it's MetLife Stadium...well not to ME it ain't!!)  Anyway, how awesome is this gonna be?!?!

a.) It's gonna be more awesome than taking some barbed-wire and wrapping it around your dick while you fuck a cactus and get paddled by a board that has rusty nails on it, Davey Mac!!  Signed, Al Roker (25%)

b.) I don't like rock concerts, David.  I went to a Megadeth show once with my grandmother and her head exploded from the noise.  And then Dave Mustaine picked up her brain matter and ate it.  Not cool, Dave. (24%)

c.) I LOVE Bruce Springsteen!!  I once tried to kidnap him!!  Hahahaha!!  I'm not joking!!  Hahaha!!  I don't know why I'm laughing!!!  Hahahaha!!  It's true!!  Hahaha!!  I served nine years in prison for it!!  Hahahaha!!  It's really not that funny!!!  Hahaha!! (26%)

d.) I prefer looking up at the stars and wishing that one day I'm made entirely out of ketchup. (25%)

Poll-verizing! (Dave Poll of the Day- Sept. 20)

  What would $100 get me?

a.) It'd get you a handy and a lollipop, Dave Man, you fucking perv!!!!!!!

b.) I'd be willing to read you poetry while I fart on your head, David.

c.) One hundred dollars would get you a picture of my dog and I...naked in the bathtub...tickling each other...while my cousin looks on...

d.) A hundred bucks will give you a fucking head start before I's a-start shootin', Davey Mac!!!!  Yeeeeehhhaaaaww!!!  Bang-bang!!  Bang-bang-bang!!!  Yeeehhaaw!!!

A new episode of the Davey Mac show online is available!! Let's fuck it 'till it hurts!!!!

  This week's Davey Mac Sports Program (online version) is now up and ready to get fucked by YOU, and then have your children, and then tell you that you suck at being a parent, and then say that it wants another baby, and so you two fuck again and---

---what the shit am I talking about??  I have to stop smoking pot before 9:00 AM!!!

ANYWAY, download (for free) the Davey Mac Sports Program on RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes!!  We discuss Sleep-Gate and Mike Francesa and play some Francesa prank calls, Thursday Night Football, Dave's topsy-turvy life, Roy Shaffer's return from God-Knows-Where, and much, much more!!!!  It's a fucking fun one!!  So get that shit and enjoy!!  Go to RiotCast.com/DaveyMac and/or iTunes and fuck it hard!!!!