It’s your March Eleventh Davey Mac Report and did anyone see the dunk performed by the Clippers’ DeAndre Jordan? Fuck, was this thing incredible:
Wow, right? I mean, if you watched that thing, you probably started jerking off. I know I did. I really did. No shit. There’s some jizz on my keyboard right now. It’s disgusting. But I can’t help it. That fucking dunk was insane. AND it was a Clippers’ dunk without Blake Griffin. Even more impressive. I once “threw down” like that in a basketball game. Of course, it was on a seven-foot dunk hoop at my friend Trevor’s house. And quite frankly, the slam was actually more of a Darryl Dawkins’ move, as I not only dunked the ball hard, but I ripped down (broke) Trevor’s thousand-dollar rim, where it shattered all over the driveway. Trevor was mad at me for two reasons: 1.) The hoop was made for children and not drunk thirty-five-year-old’s and 2.) I hadn’t officially been invited over to his house in the first place. In fact, “Trevor” was a stranger named Don…who I think is a bus-driver.
Indiana head coach Tom Crean has apologized after yelling at Michigan assistant coach Jeff Meyer after the game on Sunday. Crean was caught by cameras screaming “You know what you did! You helped wreck our program!” Meyer had been an assistant at Indiana from 2006-2008 when the team was put on probation. By the way, Crean is the brother-in-law of Jim Harbaugh, who also had his own famous post-game confrontation with a coach. Food for thought- that Harbaugh/Crean family seems a little high-strung. Mother-fuckers needs to chillz. They should come over to the Dave Man’s house and enter The Smoke Zone, daddy. Get their highin’ on. Then, Harbaugh, Crean, and myself will get nice and lit, and I’ll challenge them to a Marijuana-Induced-Air-Hockey competition where, in our three-man tournament, the runner-up loses a finger, and the last place contestant gets shot in the dick. It’s gonna be a fucking blast!
Tiger Woods easily won the WGC-Cadillac Championship yesterday, making it his 76th victorious tournament (six short of Sam Snead’s record of 82 wins). The questions Woods’ dominant victory immediately rise are:
* Does this make Tiger the favorite to win The Masters?
* Does cream cheese remind anyone else of cow cum or is that just me?
* Where the fuck is my underwear?
* How come my pet parrot Timothy isn’t breathing?
* Can you smell a gas leak?
* Why do I feel so light-headed?
* Who glued my cock to the milk-shake machine?
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the Miami Heat, who won their 18th straight game by beating the Pacers yesterday- 105 to 91. The Heat are good…so good, in fact, that most people despise them. That’s why I figure if you and me make Miami Hate t-shirts, we’ll clean up. I just need to borrow ten thousand dollars…in cash…pronto.