It’s your February Thirteenth Davey Mac Sports Report and LeBron James has become the first player in NBA history to score 30 points while shooting over 60% from the field in six consecutive games. Keep this in mind- this is something that Wilt Chamberlain, Larry Bird, Michael Fucking Jordan, etc. never accomplished. That, my friends, is huge. I haven’t seen a basketball player perform this well since Random Guy # 4 in Nintendo’s Double Dribble scored 112 points in back-to-back games against the L.A. Blue Penises. And who could forget RG4 (as he was known) talking about his feat after the game: “I just fucked the shit out of those indigo dicks…which is kind of ironic…because usually its dicks that do the fucking…anyway, I’m feeling a little light-headed…probably because I’m only 8 bits.”
Speaking of Michael Jordan, number 23 is going to be fifty years old on Sunday. That’s insane to think about. It seemed like just yesterday that Jordan was winning Slam Dunk contests and posterizing (with a jump shot, no less) Craig Ehlo with game-winning shots. These were the good old days. When a young Davey Mac was innocent and carefree and pissing his bed nightly and once shitting in his pants during Thanksgiving dinner and getting hit in the head by a nun (Sister Cathy to be exact) with a Bible for saying “Jesus Christ” in vain and throwing up on a girl named Christina during the fifth grade dance. Ah yes, the good old days…
I recently saw the famous Harlem Globetrotters Scooby Doo episode and something occurred to me- Shaggy, Scooby, and Globetrotter point guard Curly were three HUGE fucking cowards!! I get Shaggy being afraid of everything- he obviously suffered from Stoner’s Paranoia. And Scooby Doo? Well, he was a fucking dog, after all…he was more than entitled to be scared of ghosts and shit. But Curly? He was supposed to be a world class athlete…why the shit was he such a pussy?! Hey Curly, grow some balls AND hair and go fuck yourself, you damned chicken!!
The Davey Mac Player(s) of the Day goes to Michigan State who beat Michigan last night in a huge, Big Ten matchup- 75 to 52. This is one of those years where any Division One school can win the NCAA Tournament. That’s why I’m predicting the March Madness champion to be Jizztown University…which is an accredited online college that I just created. Suckers.
See you homies this evening for the Davey Mac Sports Program! LIVE! Go to the East Side Dave Happy Times Channel on Ustream at 7 PM Eastern, 4 Pacific, for the broadcast!! Peace!!