It’s your February Twelfth Davey Mac Sports Report and four Alabama football players have been arrested; most notably freshman Eddie Williams, who kicked the shit out of some guy, had an unlicensed gun, and stole the victim’s credit card. Then, he and three other guys on the team used the card to buy some stuff. I’m happy to see any kind of fuck-up take place in Roll Tide Nation, mainly because any blemish on head coach Nick Saban’s “perfect resume” is a damned good thing. Pardon my French, but that guy seems like an asshole. A big, sweaty, asshole. Pardon my German, too, but Saban seems like a dick. A hard, throbbing, dick. Excuse my Swahili but that man seems like a bit of a cunt. A wet, hot, cunt. Now, if you combine all of those characteristics, you would get a hard dick going into a wet cunt and finishing off in a sweaty asshole. That, my friends, is football pornography, and I AIN’T gonna be a part if it…unless I get the distribution rights…and then I will most certainly like to be a part of pigskin porn and release my first feature- Super Ball XXX- Pussy Vs. Cock.
The NFL is talking about widening their field in order to make the players “safer”. If this does happen, expect a regular season Packers-Saints game to end with the score 117 to 110. This is ridiculous. Don’t change the parameters of the damned field, for crying out loud, do something that makes sense…like changing the ball into a giant pink pillow. And maybe make it one of those special pillows that doubles as a stuffed animal, so that when a player gets into the end zone, he can lay down with the “ball” and have a snuggle party with a cute little cuddle-toy as a reward for getting his team six points. Also, if I were the NFL, I would put the players in Darth Vader costumes. Not so much for their safety…but more because I feel it would look cool. Thank you.
In an interview somewhere, former Chicago Bull and Duke star Jay Williams said that in his one season in Chicago, some players were smoking pot before the games. Big deal. I remember once before a court appearance, I dropped a SHIT-load of acid. Needless to say, I did not win that case. I should never represent myself when I’m on trial for doing LSD and shitting by the Slurpee machine in a 7-11. The judge gave me one year.
The Davey Mac Player of the Day goes to the International Olympic Committee, who dropped wrestling from the 2020 Olympic Games. I was happy to see this because this now makes room for my favorite sport to be an official Olympic event- the Yo-Yo, Jizz, and Animal Choke triathlon.
See you later, homies!